A cognitive twist, not shaken or stirred
Recently, in my psychology class, we've been talking about errors in thinking that we all have. Such biases such as the Fundamental Attribution Error or Actor-Observer bias. And these are things we all do. It's wild. And if you try to catch yourself thinking this way...it really blows your mind.
Fundamental attribution error – this is the tendency for people to underestimate situational influences for others behaviour and over estimate personal or internal factors in persons behaviour. We often neglect situations and just look at personality as an explanation. For example...a person you meet at a party acts distant. You assume that the person is either not friendly or is arrogant. What you don't know is that the person just found out that her grandmother died and yet she didn't want to bow out of the party at the last minute. So you attribute how she acts to 'who she is'...whereas it's really about the situation that she's been put in.
Actor-observer bias - this is the tendency to attribute your own behavior to the situation but others person’s behavior to person (internal) causes. We all do this quite regularly. I walk to work on a busy road. Quite often I have to side-step another person coming at me, which causes me to somewhat cut off the person next to me. It's something that I wouldn't normally do, but because of the situation, I have to do it. But sometimes as I'm walking on that same sidewalk, I get cut off...and I get angry at the person for doing it to me. I think, "How rude!". But maybe they were about to be run over by the person heading toward them and had to do what I did just a few minutes earlier. But I attribute their movement to just 'rudeness'.
Then my fav error, that I see in England (and the States) constantly....primarily because my hubby and I are sports fans and players. This one is the self-serving bias...tendency to take credit for our successes (internal for doing well), but we deny responsibility for what we do poorly (external attributes). When my team wins (teams I play for or teams I'm rooting for), it's all about how awesome we were. But when we lose...well it had to be the umpire, or we had injuries, or the conditions just weren't fair.
How many of you will catch your cognitive errors today? I know I've already seen a few in my day...
02 May 2007
01 May 2007
Flying time
Wow. It's already May. Can't believe it. The school year is flying. We have only 6-1/2 weeks left until graduation. My dad's school in the States only has about 3 or 4. And then it'll be time for vacation - OUR HONEYMOON!
In between all of this I have tons to do. As a school counselor I run a Peer Advising program and I have to interview all the candidates. We usually take about 24 or so. These kids teach a once a cycle seminar on how to adjust to the high school to 9th graders. It's a cool program...but I am in charge of it and our 9th grade advisory...which means that I also have to develop all the coursework and sessions that go with both programs.
It's also the start of cricket season. This year R. isn't taking part, he's retiring after several years of professional and non-pro cricket. I, on the other hand, will be getting revved up for my 3rd season of playing. It's very strange to be an American playing this sport. But I seem to be decent...this year I'm hoping to make the competitive team instead of the developmental team, but it's a long shot. I have to improve both my bowling (which is like pitching) and my batting. Especially my batting as that seems to be my core strength.
And then there's working out, going to my in-laws at least once a week, trying to keep the flat clean, teaching a new topic in my Psychology course (which means hours of prep each day/night)...yeah there's a lot going on.
So...when am I going to get time to go shopping for a bikini?
Wow. It's already May. Can't believe it. The school year is flying. We have only 6-1/2 weeks left until graduation. My dad's school in the States only has about 3 or 4. And then it'll be time for vacation - OUR HONEYMOON!
In between all of this I have tons to do. As a school counselor I run a Peer Advising program and I have to interview all the candidates. We usually take about 24 or so. These kids teach a once a cycle seminar on how to adjust to the high school to 9th graders. It's a cool program...but I am in charge of it and our 9th grade advisory...which means that I also have to develop all the coursework and sessions that go with both programs.
It's also the start of cricket season. This year R. isn't taking part, he's retiring after several years of professional and non-pro cricket. I, on the other hand, will be getting revved up for my 3rd season of playing. It's very strange to be an American playing this sport. But I seem to be decent...this year I'm hoping to make the competitive team instead of the developmental team, but it's a long shot. I have to improve both my bowling (which is like pitching) and my batting. Especially my batting as that seems to be my core strength.
And then there's working out, going to my in-laws at least once a week, trying to keep the flat clean, teaching a new topic in my Psychology course (which means hours of prep each day/night)...yeah there's a lot going on.
So...when am I going to get time to go shopping for a bikini?
27 April 2007
Bollywood Dreams
Last night I went to our school's 'South Asian Night'. I had gone the year before and loved it...there had been presentations, dances by pros and dances by the kids. The food was wonderful and it was a whirl of colour.
This year was not as well planned, though there were some very cool things on offer.
Again, the food was great. Smells of curry and spice wafted through the halls even into the upper levels of the school. It drew down students and faculty who hadn't even thought about coming. There were warm breads, vegetarian samosas and lamb biryani as well as a number of other eye watering treats.
It was lovely to see the swirls of design in the parents salwar kameez and the demo of how to wear a sari. Decorations of red, gold and green were in abundance, as was the sound of Hindi and Urdu.
A woman sat the entire 2 hours, painting the hands of adults and kids with flowers and vines. The henna and glitter added to the funky cultural feel of the evening.
This year we were able to see some Bollywood dancers who came from a local troup. The thumping of the bass, twirling arms adorned with red ribbon, projections of India and Pakistan and Sri Lanka in the background. It was almost overwhelming for the senses.
And I was welcomed to this. By parents and students. And as R said, welcome to the family - you are now one of us. Not really...but I can claim a bit of the tradition.
Last night I went to our school's 'South Asian Night'. I had gone the year before and loved it...there had been presentations, dances by pros and dances by the kids. The food was wonderful and it was a whirl of colour.
This year was not as well planned, though there were some very cool things on offer.
Again, the food was great. Smells of curry and spice wafted through the halls even into the upper levels of the school. It drew down students and faculty who hadn't even thought about coming. There were warm breads, vegetarian samosas and lamb biryani as well as a number of other eye watering treats.
It was lovely to see the swirls of design in the parents salwar kameez and the demo of how to wear a sari. Decorations of red, gold and green were in abundance, as was the sound of Hindi and Urdu.
A woman sat the entire 2 hours, painting the hands of adults and kids with flowers and vines. The henna and glitter added to the funky cultural feel of the evening.
This year we were able to see some Bollywood dancers who came from a local troup. The thumping of the bass, twirling arms adorned with red ribbon, projections of India and Pakistan and Sri Lanka in the background. It was almost overwhelming for the senses.
And I was welcomed to this. By parents and students. And as R said, welcome to the family - you are now one of us. Not really...but I can claim a bit of the tradition.
23 April 2007
A feast
It was cool outside but very comfortable. I wore linen trousers, a camisole and a floaty gauze top that my mother-in-law gave me (and it gets a ton of compliments). There were birds in the background that were louder than the traffic noise. The smell of cut grass and the beginnings of flowering trees. Insects skirted around the air, buzzing away, but not yet bothering us. And the smoke of the tandoor wafted past us...
Yes, it was the first use of the tandoor of the season. What is a tandoor? Well...here's the wiki definition:
A tandoor is a cylindrical clay oven used in Punjab region, northern India and Pakistan in which food is cooked over a hot charcoal fire. Temperatures in a tandoor can approach 480°C (900°F). It is common for tandoor ovens to remain lit for long periods of time to maintain the high cooking temperature. It is used for cooking certain types of Indian and Pakistani food, such as tandoori chicken and bread varieties like tandoori roti and naan. (The word tandoori is the adjective form.) The tandoor is currently a very important fixture in many Indian restaurants around the world. Food cooked in a tandoor retains all the juices and taste inside and hence is considered very healthy[citation needed]. Many people have installed a tandoor in their homes for making bread and kababs. Some modern day tandoors use electricity or gas instead of charcoal.
The tandoor that my in-laws have is both self-made and purchased. They went to Southall and bought the cylinder clay part that would be the basis of the tandoor. They then took a metal garbage pail and used clay at the bottom as a base. In went the clay cylinder. They then surrounded it with a variety of materials that hardened. And there you have it.
Last night they didn't have any coals, so we used wood to build the flame and ash. It got amazingly hot. We cook some kebabs of chicken and onion. The chicken had been marinated in a spicy masala. YUM! We also had a few lamb things, the name which escapes me - but the mixture of chopped lamb, chilis and spice were wrapped around a metal pole and placed within the tandoor until cooked. And then finally, we had roti. So good! The meal just went on and on...and it was so healthy and lovely. I can't wait to have more!
It made for a wonderful & lazy Sunday afternoon.
It was cool outside but very comfortable. I wore linen trousers, a camisole and a floaty gauze top that my mother-in-law gave me (and it gets a ton of compliments). There were birds in the background that were louder than the traffic noise. The smell of cut grass and the beginnings of flowering trees. Insects skirted around the air, buzzing away, but not yet bothering us. And the smoke of the tandoor wafted past us...
Yes, it was the first use of the tandoor of the season. What is a tandoor? Well...here's the wiki definition:
A tandoor is a cylindrical clay oven used in Punjab region, northern India and Pakistan in which food is cooked over a hot charcoal fire. Temperatures in a tandoor can approach 480°C (900°F). It is common for tandoor ovens to remain lit for long periods of time to maintain the high cooking temperature. It is used for cooking certain types of Indian and Pakistani food, such as tandoori chicken and bread varieties like tandoori roti and naan. (The word tandoori is the adjective form.) The tandoor is currently a very important fixture in many Indian restaurants around the world. Food cooked in a tandoor retains all the juices and taste inside and hence is considered very healthy[citation needed]. Many people have installed a tandoor in their homes for making bread and kababs. Some modern day tandoors use electricity or gas instead of charcoal.
The tandoor that my in-laws have is both self-made and purchased. They went to Southall and bought the cylinder clay part that would be the basis of the tandoor. They then took a metal garbage pail and used clay at the bottom as a base. In went the clay cylinder. They then surrounded it with a variety of materials that hardened. And there you have it.
Last night they didn't have any coals, so we used wood to build the flame and ash. It got amazingly hot. We cook some kebabs of chicken and onion. The chicken had been marinated in a spicy masala. YUM! We also had a few lamb things, the name which escapes me - but the mixture of chopped lamb, chilis and spice were wrapped around a metal pole and placed within the tandoor until cooked. And then finally, we had roti. So good! The meal just went on and on...and it was so healthy and lovely. I can't wait to have more!
It made for a wonderful & lazy Sunday afternoon.
21 April 2007
A wedding explanation
Hindu weddings are supposed to take place outside, on the earth, under a canopy known as a mandap. If that's not possible, you can build a mandap inside and pretend you're outdoors. Seating under the mandap can be on the ground (carpets or mats would be a good idea) or on chairs. We went with indoors as it was about 30F outside. And we sat on chairs so we could see everyone and everyone could see us. Our mandap was a metal gazebo onto which we placed 4 red and gold saris. We put a multi-coloured rug on the ground and used a small bbque for our sacred fire.
Traditionally, the bride wears a red or red and white sari. The sari should be draped modestly over her hair. I went with a lengha choli and a scarf for over my head. The groom wears a kafni (long shirt extending to the knees) with pijamo (leggings) or dhoti (sort of an overgrown loincloth). Roy went with a tux but wore a traditional turban and scarf.
One feature of the bride's wardrobe which has become popular abroad is the use of henna or mehndi to decorate her hands and feet. It's said that you can tell how well a new bride is being treated by her in-laws from how long it takes for the mehndi to wear off.
Barat - traditionally the groom is part of a procession. He may ride on a horse or an elephant. He is accompanied by his party of family and friends. Naturally, we didn't have a horse or elephant. But we did have Coles, and he led the procession with the beating of his drum. My mom did the traditional thing and greeted the groom.
The bride and groom have parts of their costume tied to the other and then they garland each other.
The marriage fire, representing the divine witness as well as sanctifying the ceremony, is lit and you perform the Offering of the Parched Grain (Laya Homa), a sacrifice of food for the sake of prosperity. Your brother, or another male relative, pours the grain into your hand signifying his continuing support of you.
During the Mangalpheras, the couple circles the holy fire four times, not seven times as is customary in many other parts of India. The four circles symbolize the four basic human goals of Dharma, Artha, Kama and Moksha. We also did the seven steps, which were our seven vows to each other.
Once the wedding rituals have been completed, the couple touch the feet of their parents and the priest, asking for their Aashirwaad, or blessings.
Hindu weddings are supposed to take place outside, on the earth, under a canopy known as a mandap. If that's not possible, you can build a mandap inside and pretend you're outdoors. Seating under the mandap can be on the ground (carpets or mats would be a good idea) or on chairs. We went with indoors as it was about 30F outside. And we sat on chairs so we could see everyone and everyone could see us. Our mandap was a metal gazebo onto which we placed 4 red and gold saris. We put a multi-coloured rug on the ground and used a small bbque for our sacred fire.
Traditionally, the bride wears a red or red and white sari. The sari should be draped modestly over her hair. I went with a lengha choli and a scarf for over my head. The groom wears a kafni (long shirt extending to the knees) with pijamo (leggings) or dhoti (sort of an overgrown loincloth). Roy went with a tux but wore a traditional turban and scarf.
One feature of the bride's wardrobe which has become popular abroad is the use of henna or mehndi to decorate her hands and feet. It's said that you can tell how well a new bride is being treated by her in-laws from how long it takes for the mehndi to wear off.
Barat - traditionally the groom is part of a procession. He may ride on a horse or an elephant. He is accompanied by his party of family and friends. Naturally, we didn't have a horse or elephant. But we did have Coles, and he led the procession with the beating of his drum. My mom did the traditional thing and greeted the groom.
The bride and groom have parts of their costume tied to the other and then they garland each other.
The marriage fire, representing the divine witness as well as sanctifying the ceremony, is lit and you perform the Offering of the Parched Grain (Laya Homa), a sacrifice of food for the sake of prosperity. Your brother, or another male relative, pours the grain into your hand signifying his continuing support of you.
During the Mangalpheras, the couple circles the holy fire four times, not seven times as is customary in many other parts of India. The four circles symbolize the four basic human goals of Dharma, Artha, Kama and Moksha. We also did the seven steps, which were our seven vows to each other.
Once the wedding rituals have been completed, the couple touch the feet of their parents and the priest, asking for their Aashirwaad, or blessings.
20 April 2007
Vignette
I'm on the 460 bus going past B & Q (a home improvement store). There is a grassy section that is typically filled with birds. I look over at the area, cause we're sitting in traffic. A man is there. He is sitting cross legged. Has on black shorts, a black shirt and sunglasses on. It's not sunny. He has a wine bottle, red, in his hands. As I continue to watch, he tips it back and chugs down the contents. This is not 'fine wine' drinking. He brings the bottle back to his knees which slowly shake up and down as if he's trying to move the alcohol down his throat. And then it's time for another glug. We drive away.
I'm on the 460 bus going past B & Q (a home improvement store). There is a grassy section that is typically filled with birds. I look over at the area, cause we're sitting in traffic. A man is there. He is sitting cross legged. Has on black shorts, a black shirt and sunglasses on. It's not sunny. He has a wine bottle, red, in his hands. As I continue to watch, he tips it back and chugs down the contents. This is not 'fine wine' drinking. He brings the bottle back to his knees which slowly shake up and down as if he's trying to move the alcohol down his throat. And then it's time for another glug. We drive away.
19 April 2007
18 April 2007
Ssshhhh!
Today is the 'Day of Silence'. The Day of Silence is an annual event held to bring attention to anti-LGBT bullying, harassment and discrimination in schools. Students and teachers nationwide will observe the day in silence to echo the silence that LGBT and ally students face everyday. In it's 11th year, the Day of Silence is one of the largest student-led actions in the country. (taken from the website)
I am choosing to be as silent as I can (if I need to talk to a child in crisis then I will, of course). I am lucky. I can be fully who I am and shout it out to the world without fear. But many cannot. If they happen to be gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered, then life can be a very tough thing. So many GLBT kids have depression or anger issues due to their having to hide their sexuality. Some even feel that they have to commit suicide as they don't see how things could ever get better.
For most of us, we don't have to really think or justify our sexuality. Can you imagine if you were the one silenced?
Today is the 'Day of Silence'. The Day of Silence is an annual event held to bring attention to anti-LGBT bullying, harassment and discrimination in schools. Students and teachers nationwide will observe the day in silence to echo the silence that LGBT and ally students face everyday. In it's 11th year, the Day of Silence is one of the largest student-led actions in the country. (taken from the website)
I am choosing to be as silent as I can (if I need to talk to a child in crisis then I will, of course). I am lucky. I can be fully who I am and shout it out to the world without fear. But many cannot. If they happen to be gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered, then life can be a very tough thing. So many GLBT kids have depression or anger issues due to their having to hide their sexuality. Some even feel that they have to commit suicide as they don't see how things could ever get better.
For most of us, we don't have to really think or justify our sexuality. Can you imagine if you were the one silenced?
17 April 2007
The Rehearsal
We started the rehearsal at 4pm on Friday. The room was quite chilly, and so we wore our jackets. We tried to get the site ready before the rehearsal, but it wasn't to be (which is why the mandap looks so sad while we're rehearsing). We then finished getting the site ready and off to dinner. We had a fun casual evening of chicken wings, pizza and speeches. I think we all had a good time that night!
This is us rehearsing...and the mandap after it was all done and decorated. So pretty!
We started the rehearsal at 4pm on Friday. The room was quite chilly, and so we wore our jackets. We tried to get the site ready before the rehearsal, but it wasn't to be (which is why the mandap looks so sad while we're rehearsing). We then finished getting the site ready and off to dinner. We had a fun casual evening of chicken wings, pizza and speeches. I think we all had a good time that night!
This is us rehearsing...and the mandap after it was all done and decorated. So pretty!
11 April 2007
More henna
The outside of my right hand. I love the flower pattern that goes up to my finger tips.
This is the inside of my left hand...you can see that it's quite faded compared to the outside. The right hand is even more faded.
My left and right arms...they are not as dark as my hands, but close.
My right hand. You can see that it has a different pattern from my left hand. Like my left hand, the pattern hasn't faded too much except near my finger tips.
You can see that the artist worked in R's initials onto one of my arms...he had to find it after the wedding.
The outside of my right hand. I love the flower pattern that goes up to my finger tips. 
This is the inside of my left hand...you can see that it's quite faded compared to the outside. The right hand is even more faded.
My left and right arms...they are not as dark as my hands, but close.
My right hand. You can see that it has a different pattern from my left hand. Like my left hand, the pattern hasn't faded too much except near my finger tips.
You can see that the artist worked in R's initials onto one of my arms...he had to find it after the wedding.
My foot pattern (same on both sides) and a detail of the flowers...gorgeous!
And the pictures begin!
Pictures will keep being posted as I get them. I thought I'd start with a few from the first 'celebration' on Thursday...the mendhi gathering. We got wonderful henna done and had fun and laughter. It was followed by a bachelorette party - a food and wine pairing party.
Here I am with my mom and mother-in-law as I'm getting my feet henna'd. How cool are my hands?!
Here are all the women with their henna'd hands...the woman, Jumana, did an amazing job! 
Post-henna, and shedding little dark nobs of it all over, we went out for my PA bachelorette party. My best-friend, J, who is pictured in the front on the right, was the party planner. She did a wonderful job - great food, great wine pairing and a wonderful venue with a great group of girls. It was a blast!
Pictures will keep being posted as I get them. I thought I'd start with a few from the first 'celebration' on Thursday...the mendhi gathering. We got wonderful henna done and had fun and laughter. It was followed by a bachelorette party - a food and wine pairing party.
Here I am with my mom and mother-in-law as I'm getting my feet henna'd. How cool are my hands?!
Here are all the women with their henna'd hands...the woman, Jumana, did an amazing job!
Post-henna, and shedding little dark nobs of it all over, we went out for my PA bachelorette party. My best-friend, J, who is pictured in the front on the right, was the party planner. She did a wonderful job - great food, great wine pairing and a wonderful venue with a great group of girls. It was a blast!30 March 2007
This is it. The day I've been waiting for. Yes. The last day of work before spring break. Everyone, teachers, parents and kids, are all ready...VERY READY...for some time off.
For me, of course, this break has some extra meaning. Getting married. And so I'm looking forward to it even more.
Yesterday, my crew at work had a party for me to celebrate my upcoming marriage. They are so sweet! And the cake was wonderful!!
I wasn't ready for a party - I was wearing my most comfy clothing, had done nothing with my hair and had on not an ounce of make-up. But I didn't care, cause I had a lot of wonderful people to celebrate with. It was a huge surprise. They did well!
Tomorrow I leave for the States. Not sure when I'll have time to get on between now and after the wedding. I might, but I won't have pics until later. It's going to be an adventure. Woo hoo!
28 March 2007
Timing
Some people lose weight before the wedding. I'm just losing sleep.
I don't know what's going on. I'm usually a calm, unflappable kind of person, but for some reason I seem to be having stress reactions to this wedding. It's nothing to do with R. I'm so happy to marry him and be with him forever, despite his bad habits. Actually, maybe because his bad habits make him very human that I want to marry him. I think the stress is more related to getting things done.
For example...last night we tried to print out the place cards. It did not work. Our printer wouldn't do it. Nope. Totally messed it up. So we're not sure what we're going to do. We may be able to do it one sheet at a time. But R. is supposed to go and buy a new pack of cards to try to redo these. I think I have to remind him soon as he's going for lunch. Better do it now.
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Back. And this may be why I'm going so crazy. Little things like that keep popping into my head. And I have to deal with them 'RIGHT NOW', cause I worry that I'll just forget all about them and something will go wrong.
Now I recognize that if I don't have them done before I leave for the States, it won't be the end of the world - I'll just be doing them late on Wednesday evening or something like that. But I'd like to have it done sooner rather than later. In this period of time, I am fighting my procrastinating instincts (actually I'm hiding the instinct to just stay in bed with my head under the duvet)...
I will be fine. I know I will. And I may try to sleep in tomorrow...as I don't have class in the morning...we'll see.
Some people lose weight before the wedding. I'm just losing sleep.
I don't know what's going on. I'm usually a calm, unflappable kind of person, but for some reason I seem to be having stress reactions to this wedding. It's nothing to do with R. I'm so happy to marry him and be with him forever, despite his bad habits. Actually, maybe because his bad habits make him very human that I want to marry him. I think the stress is more related to getting things done.
For example...last night we tried to print out the place cards. It did not work. Our printer wouldn't do it. Nope. Totally messed it up. So we're not sure what we're going to do. We may be able to do it one sheet at a time. But R. is supposed to go and buy a new pack of cards to try to redo these. I think I have to remind him soon as he's going for lunch. Better do it now.
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Back. And this may be why I'm going so crazy. Little things like that keep popping into my head. And I have to deal with them 'RIGHT NOW', cause I worry that I'll just forget all about them and something will go wrong.
Now I recognize that if I don't have them done before I leave for the States, it won't be the end of the world - I'll just be doing them late on Wednesday evening or something like that. But I'd like to have it done sooner rather than later. In this period of time, I am fighting my procrastinating instincts (actually I'm hiding the instinct to just stay in bed with my head under the duvet)...
I will be fine. I know I will. And I may try to sleep in tomorrow...as I don't have class in the morning...we'll see.
26 March 2007
Fatty fat fat
Have you ever seen the show, "Everyone loves Raymond"? If not, it's about a sports writer who lives with his wife and 3 kids. His mom & dad, as well as brother (and sister-in-law eventually) live right in the neighborhood. Ray has a problem of saying the wrong thing to his wife. Almost every show he says something that either confuses her or makes her angry. I think it's showing a basic reality of relationships...
On Saturday night, I was getting ready for going out to a party when one of R's friends showed up. A. is a life-long friend and someone who will be part of the wedding party. I hadn't seen him in ages.
Yesterday, as we're lying around, R told me about his night. And for some unknown reason, he had to tell me that A. said that I looked like I gained weight. Yes. He really had to let me know.
Do I not already know that I've gained weight? Am I not totally unhappy that I've gained weight and done crap about it? Am I not beating myself up about the fact that I'm going to look a lot heavier in my wedding pictures than I ought to? WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU TELL ME SOMETHING LIKE THAT!!!! He got me so upset. The last thing I needed to hear was that. Cause all that will be running through my mind is that people will all be looking at me thinking - yeah, she looks fat. she gained weight. couldn't even lose weight for her wedding. STUPID MAN!!
So...less than 2 weeks until the wedding and all I want to do is never eat again. But, as someone who faints if I don't eat, it won't happen. But I really would have appreciated it if he had kept this to himself. Cause I already feel enough like shit about it.
Have you ever seen the show, "Everyone loves Raymond"? If not, it's about a sports writer who lives with his wife and 3 kids. His mom & dad, as well as brother (and sister-in-law eventually) live right in the neighborhood. Ray has a problem of saying the wrong thing to his wife. Almost every show he says something that either confuses her or makes her angry. I think it's showing a basic reality of relationships...
On Saturday night, I was getting ready for going out to a party when one of R's friends showed up. A. is a life-long friend and someone who will be part of the wedding party. I hadn't seen him in ages.
Yesterday, as we're lying around, R told me about his night. And for some unknown reason, he had to tell me that A. said that I looked like I gained weight. Yes. He really had to let me know.
Do I not already know that I've gained weight? Am I not totally unhappy that I've gained weight and done crap about it? Am I not beating myself up about the fact that I'm going to look a lot heavier in my wedding pictures than I ought to? WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU TELL ME SOMETHING LIKE THAT!!!! He got me so upset. The last thing I needed to hear was that. Cause all that will be running through my mind is that people will all be looking at me thinking - yeah, she looks fat. she gained weight. couldn't even lose weight for her wedding. STUPID MAN!!
So...less than 2 weeks until the wedding and all I want to do is never eat again. But, as someone who faints if I don't eat, it won't happen. But I really would have appreciated it if he had kept this to himself. Cause I already feel enough like shit about it.
21 March 2007
20 March 2007
Greedy!
I know this is petty, and ridiculous...and crazy...but since the wedding shower so many moons ago, only 2 presents have been purchased for me off my wedding registries. And there's only 2-1/2 weeks to go. And they are online only registries, so it's not like someone could just run to the store the day before.
I know that putting something like eight knives on a registry seems kinda odd...but I really would LOVE to get some good cooks knives. The IKEA ones that R. owned work okay, but truly aren't great. I want REAL knives. And no, R. does not have to worry about his safety.
I know that I have lots of guests who don't have tons of money...but I did put some inexpensive things on my registry. In fact most items are under $25 or so.
Maybe people are just buying stuff from places like Macy's...similar to what we're looking for. But what if I get a ton of the same things cause of this? I have to travel back home two days after the wedding. Maybe people want to give us money. Which would be tough as we don't really use US dollars...guess I could take them on the honeymoon.
I know. I'm being materialistic. Getting married isn't about the gifts. But I'd like them. Kinda.
I know this is petty, and ridiculous...and crazy...but since the wedding shower so many moons ago, only 2 presents have been purchased for me off my wedding registries. And there's only 2-1/2 weeks to go. And they are online only registries, so it's not like someone could just run to the store the day before.
I know that putting something like eight knives on a registry seems kinda odd...but I really would LOVE to get some good cooks knives. The IKEA ones that R. owned work okay, but truly aren't great. I want REAL knives. And no, R. does not have to worry about his safety.
I know that I have lots of guests who don't have tons of money...but I did put some inexpensive things on my registry. In fact most items are under $25 or so.
Maybe people are just buying stuff from places like Macy's...similar to what we're looking for. But what if I get a ton of the same things cause of this? I have to travel back home two days after the wedding. Maybe people want to give us money. Which would be tough as we don't really use US dollars...guess I could take them on the honeymoon.
I know. I'm being materialistic. Getting married isn't about the gifts. But I'd like them. Kinda.
19 March 2007
And breathe...
I suppose that all brides, irregardless of how laid back they think they'll be, end up getting stressed about something. And I've now hit that point. I'm worried about the small details. Making sure that everything gets done.
Now some of this stress has come from a very organized step-mother who wants to make certain that I haven't forgotten anything. Some of it comes from a variety of items I've ordered that seem to have gone missing.
And it's effecting my sleep and my tummy. I'm struggling to fall asleep quickly due to thoughts running through my head. I now have a notebook next to my bed to write things down. And food seems to be running through the system quickly...had to run to the loo twice this morning.
So now it's time for lists and more lists. I hope that these will calm the systems. But if not...at least it'll all be done in 3 weeks!
I suppose that all brides, irregardless of how laid back they think they'll be, end up getting stressed about something. And I've now hit that point. I'm worried about the small details. Making sure that everything gets done.
Now some of this stress has come from a very organized step-mother who wants to make certain that I haven't forgotten anything. Some of it comes from a variety of items I've ordered that seem to have gone missing.
And it's effecting my sleep and my tummy. I'm struggling to fall asleep quickly due to thoughts running through my head. I now have a notebook next to my bed to write things down. And food seems to be running through the system quickly...had to run to the loo twice this morning.
So now it's time for lists and more lists. I hope that these will calm the systems. But if not...at least it'll all be done in 3 weeks!
15 March 2007
A vision in gold and red
I got home yesterday and relaxed for a bit. I needed the get myself into a place where I felt calm and happy. Why? I was heading to Roy's parents' house on my own.
I walked the one mile to the house and was greeted by his mom. We sat down, had some tea and just chatted a bit. Then she asked me to come up to her room and see the saris that I could choose from to wear the Sunday after the wedding (we're having a brunch in our honour).
Up we went to a room strewn with colourful outfits. There were two saris waiting for me to look out. Both had tons of gold threadwork and red; one with a larger pattern, one with something much smaller. I checked out them both in the mirror, holding up the fabric to my neck. Stunning.
We both agreed that as I could get away with the larger pattern, being a decently tallish person. So she left me as I put on the choli (top) and petticoat (which doesn't really fit, so I'll have to get a new one). I put them on and she returned to help me put on the sari, which is definitely an art.
Round and round the fabric went, folding into the petticoat. Then next came the pattern of folds, like a delicate fan, which too were tucked in, and gave an effect of gorgeous pleats to the floor. Around again and then up and over my shoulder and arm. And then it was done.
I was in a sari. And I looked so glamourous. Stunning. Gold, red, small slices of blue and yellow. I had never seen anything quite like it.
And then I was given a 22 kt gold necklace and earring to put on, a gift from my future mother-in-law to wear with the sari. And it just made the outfit, 'pop' just a little bit more.
It was a bit sad taking the sari off, as it was one of the most beautiful outfits I had ever worn before. It's definitely inspired me to want to buy one that I could wear somewhere else - maybe even to work one day.
I then hung out with my future in-laws until R. showed up, 1/2 hour late due to the train. I survived my first time alone with them. It was tough, but I think it was okay. I even talked quite a bit, which, as a trained listener, can sometimes be a struggle.
I can't wait for my wedding days to arrive...
I got home yesterday and relaxed for a bit. I needed the get myself into a place where I felt calm and happy. Why? I was heading to Roy's parents' house on my own.
I walked the one mile to the house and was greeted by his mom. We sat down, had some tea and just chatted a bit. Then she asked me to come up to her room and see the saris that I could choose from to wear the Sunday after the wedding (we're having a brunch in our honour).
Up we went to a room strewn with colourful outfits. There were two saris waiting for me to look out. Both had tons of gold threadwork and red; one with a larger pattern, one with something much smaller. I checked out them both in the mirror, holding up the fabric to my neck. Stunning.
We both agreed that as I could get away with the larger pattern, being a decently tallish person. So she left me as I put on the choli (top) and petticoat (which doesn't really fit, so I'll have to get a new one). I put them on and she returned to help me put on the sari, which is definitely an art.
Round and round the fabric went, folding into the petticoat. Then next came the pattern of folds, like a delicate fan, which too were tucked in, and gave an effect of gorgeous pleats to the floor. Around again and then up and over my shoulder and arm. And then it was done.
I was in a sari. And I looked so glamourous. Stunning. Gold, red, small slices of blue and yellow. I had never seen anything quite like it.
And then I was given a 22 kt gold necklace and earring to put on, a gift from my future mother-in-law to wear with the sari. And it just made the outfit, 'pop' just a little bit more.
It was a bit sad taking the sari off, as it was one of the most beautiful outfits I had ever worn before. It's definitely inspired me to want to buy one that I could wear somewhere else - maybe even to work one day.
I then hung out with my future in-laws until R. showed up, 1/2 hour late due to the train. I survived my first time alone with them. It was tough, but I think it was okay. I even talked quite a bit, which, as a trained listener, can sometimes be a struggle.
I can't wait for my wedding days to arrive...
14 March 2007
Celebration time...come on!
Last night Roy and I (well, mainly me) were trying to pick out some special songs for our wedding. Neither of us are big music people. We don't go out and buy the latest cd or download tons of music onto i-Pods. It's amazing that I even own an MP3 player (but I refused to buy an i-Pod...I bought a Creative Zen instead).
But with the wedding coming up, I've had a renewed interest in music. What should play during the actual wedding? What should play during the cocktail portion? What would people want to dance to? Can I play some Bollywood or Banghra music?
So we've made a few decisions about music. We are NOT having the chicken dance, or electric slide, or anything cheesy like that. Okay....maybe the YMCA. But that's it. And I want a mix of 80s, oldies, swing and Indian music. It'll be interesting.
So we chose our entrance song for our bridal party & ourselves. 'Celebration' by Kool and the Gang. I thought it'd be a fun one. And I don't want anything 'special' for when we arrive. For the first dance, we chose a Frank Sinatra croon, 'Just in Time'. And for the dad-daughter dance, we're doing 'My Girl' by the Temptations. I don't think Roy wants to do a mother-son dance, but that's fine.
Right now I'm 'auditioning' songs to use during the ceremony. I want both Christian and Hindu songs...we'll see if anything fits or sounds right for it all...but I'm sure I'll find something. Right now I'm listening to a group of 3 cd's of (as they say on the cds) sublime chilled beats. The package is called Pujabi Lounge. Interesting!
I always love to hear what songs mean to different people...and when you listen to songs from your childhood or youth...what memories they do bring! I guess that's one of the fun things about weddings...not only are you celebrating a present, but also a past and a future.
Last night Roy and I (well, mainly me) were trying to pick out some special songs for our wedding. Neither of us are big music people. We don't go out and buy the latest cd or download tons of music onto i-Pods. It's amazing that I even own an MP3 player (but I refused to buy an i-Pod...I bought a Creative Zen instead).
But with the wedding coming up, I've had a renewed interest in music. What should play during the actual wedding? What should play during the cocktail portion? What would people want to dance to? Can I play some Bollywood or Banghra music?
So we've made a few decisions about music. We are NOT having the chicken dance, or electric slide, or anything cheesy like that. Okay....maybe the YMCA. But that's it. And I want a mix of 80s, oldies, swing and Indian music. It'll be interesting.
So we chose our entrance song for our bridal party & ourselves. 'Celebration' by Kool and the Gang. I thought it'd be a fun one. And I don't want anything 'special' for when we arrive. For the first dance, we chose a Frank Sinatra croon, 'Just in Time'. And for the dad-daughter dance, we're doing 'My Girl' by the Temptations. I don't think Roy wants to do a mother-son dance, but that's fine.
Right now I'm 'auditioning' songs to use during the ceremony. I want both Christian and Hindu songs...we'll see if anything fits or sounds right for it all...but I'm sure I'll find something. Right now I'm listening to a group of 3 cd's of (as they say on the cds) sublime chilled beats. The package is called Pujabi Lounge. Interesting!
I always love to hear what songs mean to different people...and when you listen to songs from your childhood or youth...what memories they do bring! I guess that's one of the fun things about weddings...not only are you celebrating a present, but also a past and a future.
13 March 2007
Early Bird
6:20 a.m.
6:18 a.m.
6:14 a.m.
NOOOOOOOO! Not again.
I seem to be in a pattern of waking up before my alarm. Said alarm is already set for the ungodly hour of 6:30 a.m., and I seem to be waking up, fully, before it's meant to go off. And I'm not happy. I'm pooped, in fact.
I guess it's a way for my body to deal with the stressors at work and the stessors that I'm hiding from due to the wedding. I don't feel majorly stressed, but do know I have tons to do in both areas.
At least things seem to be moving on well...I just need to hear from the site coordinator at my ceremony/reception site (soon, please, soon)...I need to send a note to the bus company with our plan for the day (so that people can get picked up and dropped off)...I need to figure out Out of Town bags with information for my guests...and at work I need to do some grading and write comments as the end of the quarter is on the 20th, teach class, finish hosting our drug & alcohol educator...and more. Fun, fun!
But soon it will be spring break. We have 2-1/2 weeks to go. Not that I'll get much of a break during that week before the wedding (I'll be running around like crazy)...but I'll be in the comfort of my family home with people trying to keep me calm (and thus treating me like a princess...which I will like!). I have a massage to look forward to. I have a fun day to look forward to. I can make it. Yes. I can.
6:20 a.m.
6:18 a.m.
6:14 a.m.
NOOOOOOOO! Not again.
I seem to be in a pattern of waking up before my alarm. Said alarm is already set for the ungodly hour of 6:30 a.m., and I seem to be waking up, fully, before it's meant to go off. And I'm not happy. I'm pooped, in fact.
I guess it's a way for my body to deal with the stressors at work and the stessors that I'm hiding from due to the wedding. I don't feel majorly stressed, but do know I have tons to do in both areas.
At least things seem to be moving on well...I just need to hear from the site coordinator at my ceremony/reception site (soon, please, soon)...I need to send a note to the bus company with our plan for the day (so that people can get picked up and dropped off)...I need to figure out Out of Town bags with information for my guests...and at work I need to do some grading and write comments as the end of the quarter is on the 20th, teach class, finish hosting our drug & alcohol educator...and more. Fun, fun!
But soon it will be spring break. We have 2-1/2 weeks to go. Not that I'll get much of a break during that week before the wedding (I'll be running around like crazy)...but I'll be in the comfort of my family home with people trying to keep me calm (and thus treating me like a princess...which I will like!). I have a massage to look forward to. I have a fun day to look forward to. I can make it. Yes. I can.
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