Therapy

One of the toughest decisions for some people to make is the one to see a therapist. And that's understandable. Even in today's supposedly enlightened world, there are still some taboos about seeing someone to help you with a problem. It's a shame that some people see seeking out help as being weak instead of being strong...but that will probably never change.

So, let's say you have decided to see a therapist. Who do you go and see? The best thing is to get recommendations from people you know (if you are comfy doing this). If you don't know anyone who has seen a therapist, then as your doctor for a recommendation. For most problems, the first stop is a psychologist, who can assess your issues. But if you think you have a very severe problem, such as clinical depression or anxiety, then it might be best to find a psychiatrist. What is the difference? The psychiatrist is medically trained and therefore is the only type of counselor who is able to give you medication.

There are many different types of therapists and their views on therapy. Don't feel that if you go to one and they don't fit or feel right, that you need to stick with them. Therapists will often even help you find someone new. But don't move only if you feel uncomfortable in therapy - that's a big part of the process. Move if you feel they don't 'hear' you or they seem to be giving you advice that runs totally counter to your instincts. I tend to encourage people to give a therapist at least 3 sessions before they move, just to work through the discomfort of just being in therapy.

Therapy is hard work. It is not fun. You may feel even worse on some days when you leave. But it should always make you think. You should leave with questions for yourself...things to work through.

I'm a huge fan of cognitive-behavioral psychology for a lot of problems. The focus is on changing the way you think, which in turn may help you deal with your behaviors and your emotions. It's used a ton in sports psychology, for anxiety and stress as well as many other issues. But most therapists, even if they have a particular 'bent', will also use techniques from other types of therapy.

When I'm looking for an outside therapist for a kid, I ask them a few questions:

a. Do you want a male or female. For some people, this is very important. For others, it just doesn't matter.

b. Do you care if the person is younger or older. Some people want the long-term perspective and experience, others want to work with someone who is closer to their age and may understand what's happening to the youth of today.

c. Are you ready to be open with this person.

And that is the most important question of them all. A person who is not open will not gain a thing from therapy. This is a person who will not judge you...they have probably heard a lot worse than anything you will tell them, and even if not, this is their job - to listen. If you hold back, then you are keeping a therapist and, quite honestly, yourself, from doing the best job. Cause that's one thing people forget or don't know about therapy - YOU know yourself the best, and so YOU are the one who can help yourself more than anyone else...a good therapist will help guide you and ask you the questions that you might not want to/be able to ask yourself.