It's an Institute You Can't Disparage (Thanks Frank)

My parents had a seemingly wonderful marriage. I remember from quite a young age watching them as we went for walks...and they held hands. I don't think I ever said to myself, "That's what I want", but somehow the vision always stuck with me. I was definitely daddy's little girl. I was an athlete, smart & enjoyed talking to him about 'stuff'. And I know he enjoyed his little girl. My brother, on the other hand, was definitely a mamma's boy. When he was little he wouldn't let her go. Must of driven her to madness at times having a little bratling attached to her leg. And he didn't change all the much over time...even to the point of calling mom to ask her if he could move back home one week after college. Luckily she said 'no!'. I don't know where it all went wrong for my parents. They weren't the arguing type nor did they share much about what was going on in their marriage. And in a way this was good for my bro and moi...but in other ways it would have been nice to have some clue when the shit hit the fan.

I was in graduate school, living at home to save some dough, when I went to pick up my dad from the airport. We walked into the house without a clue that in the next few minutes our worlds would be changing. Dad stayed downstairs and I went to my bedroom. There was a letter from mom telling me that she was leaving my father. What the F"£$((&£$? I began to bawl and ran downstairs to my father who had not yet found his 'Dear Joe' letter. She had taken all of her belongings including some furniture and moved out while we were both gone. This was well planned - she hired movers, had a place to move into, etc. My father was devistated. He had no clue that things were this bad. I can honestly say that this was the most horrible thing I've ever had to go through, topping knee surgery & a flood. In the end, after a few years of back and forth, my parents did eventually divorce. And luckily, it all comes (so far) to happy endings as my dad has a new wife and my mom has moved across the country with her partner of a few years.

As I now get closer and closer to getting engaged or breaking it off with R (he had this month and that's it), I wonder at how my parents' relationship had an effect on me. I have learned how to argue but do recognize that both R & me tend to get quiet when we're upset about things. I know that marriages can work...but learned from my parents that communication about issues is key - even if you have to bash someone over the head, rant & rave (which my mom ought to have done but was too chicken to do). I've learned things and hopefully will be able to go into marriage a bit more knowledgeable then my parents did at age 23. But it's still scary. To give up the freedoms you have, to have to put up with someone else's shit, etc. But then I hear R. say in the morning, in his sleepy grumbly voice, "Love you honeybunny" as I walk out of the bedroom...and I know that it's worth the risk. Without risk you can't find the potential of amazing happiness. It may bring pain, but heck, that's life!