I've been having a lot of conversations about "Relationships". From the moment they begin (perhaps with that first siting on the website or the first date) to the moment they end (all things end...), there are tough moments. And we're so afraid of them that we try to remove ourselves from them. But usually that just creates even more tough moments.

I think back to my younger days of dating. I made so many mistakes. Mistake number one was not TRULY listening to what the guy was saying to me or SEEING how he was acting. I had on my rose tinted glasses of expectation and fear of loss. So many people are so afraid of losing what they have that they stop recognizing what their own instincts say. And in the end they tend to lose anyway...but sometimes at a great cost to their hearts, lives or sanity.

Mistake number two: I know that I had a problem asking guys questions in my relationships. I think I was usually afraid of the answers. Or that the questions would put 'too much pressure' on the guy. What hogwash! If I wanted to know something, then I ought to have asked. And if the guy broke up with me for just asking a question, then he wasn't the guy for me.

What makes us tip-toe around relationships? Why are we so afraid to lose something if it's not right for us? Why do we refuse to see the signs that people send all the time? Why is it that being part of a couple, even a bad one, is better than being alone & healthy?

I'm glad I've pretty much moved on and grown up in my own way. I do know that if I lost R., I'd be beyond unhappy. I would definitely be depressed and angry and hurt. But I'd be okay after time. I'd survive. And I'd deal with the loss and move on eventually. Cause we all can. Life is full of hurts, from that first time as a baby that mom leaves us to our first fight with someone to the act of dying in the end....but other than that last hurt, we are made to move on and be okay...if we CHOOSE.

I now ask those questions of R and if I see something that bothers me, I bring it up. I am prepared to piss him off sometimes. But I know that he loves me now and we'll be okay. He brings up topics that make me uncomfortable, but he does it for us. I bring up topics that make him uncomfortable, but I do it for us. If we couldn't handle these things, then we ought not be together. But we do handle them and it's made us a better couple. Right now I'm not better off being single...but it's not holding me back from keeping my 'eyes open'.