Baby Cakes

So I'm back from Philly. It was so nice to see my dad and step-mom. The conference was fantastic. And the Phillies won the game that we went to see. Life in the States was good. (I mean how bad could it be if I was being paid to be in a cool city? Yes, I did have to pay for some things, but overall not much.)

And now I'm back, with tons to do, but no motivation to do them. I feel like a slug. I suppose I deserve some relaxation time, but will have to get a move on it next week.

Recently, Roy and I have been talking about what life will be if we end up having a baby. There are tons of articles which scare the bejeezus out of me...this one for example:

baby article

The whole idea of actually giving birth is rather frightening. I remember those videos they showed with the baby being born. Gross. And then there's the lack of sleep. And I like my sleep. And I'm already bitchy when I lack it. What kind of mother will I be?

So as you can see...I really don't have a baby urge. I love them when I can get a hold of someone else's and I have a knack for making babies smile (or at least stop crying) by wiggling my curls...but have never felt that drive that some women seem to have. I know if we have a baby (which is getting more and more biologically impossible due to age), I'll be a fine mom. I love to play and I'm usually decently patient. But I have to admit that if we can't have one due to either Roy's or my bodily incapabilities, then I won't be too sad for myself. For Roy, who has a huge want for a baby, yes, but for me, no.

Sometimes I wonder if that makes me 'less of a woman'. But realistically, there has to be some of us out there who don't have kids. Booming populations in the world and all. And maybe some of those 'needs' have been sublimated into taking care of teenagers at their most needy times in my job. I do care for my small group of kids who come to see me regularly.

Regardless...we're trying for a little sprocket of our own. I can see it now...a year of craziness. But despite my misgivings, I'm going to give it my best. Cause I have an amazing husband who would make a fantastic dad, and who talks to me about my worries. I don't think I'll be like the woman in the article, primarily because I will have someone to talk to - can't shut that boy up! Keep those fingers crossed.