The big leap

Last night R. came home, plopped himself on the couch and said, "I've told her." Those three little words meant so much to me. I don't even think he knows how much.

He and his mom met for lunch yesterday, 19 days after he asked me to marry him. He had not yet told anyone in his family about the engagement. And to be honest, I was getting a bit upset about it. While I knew it was going to be an unpleasant thing, I wanted them to know. All sorts of things were said...and R. stated that his mom was the most coherent of her life...and that he felt like they had finally clicked for the first time since he was a child. Now this is not to say that she is approving of the marriage, as she's not, but she didn't get all hysterical about it. She did say that R. is now out of the will, that his father will most likely die of a heart attack from this and that she was very, very unhappy (had tears in her eyes the entire time). She argued several points:

1. I will get homesick and want to move back to the States, thus driving a wedge between us.
2. That I'm too old to have children or if we have them, they will come out with problems (mental or physical).
3. That while I will not keep the culture alive in the family.

Poor R. He tried so hard to argue his point. And I don't think it fell entirely on deaf ears. But his father is being sooo stubborn and his mom has to live with that. She's on the brink of wanting to leave his dad...yet another stressor for R to deal with. And she imagines that he'll become even more irrational about this situation once she tells him. But R. told him that he's made up his mind and that his parents have to make a decision...either come on board or don't...it's up to them. I truly hope that things work out in the future.

For me, it was a mixed thing. I'm sad for R. that he has to deal with a family that won't accept his happiness for what it is. That he has to deal with strict cultural expectations that won't bend. And for the fact that he wanted to bawl his eyes out last night but just couldn't. I wish I could take on his burden. But on the other hand, this has shown me just how strongly he feels for me and that he's worth marrying. He is so strong in so many ways. He's my love. And he'll be there for me, hopefully, forever.