Lucky

Once again, I am one of the luckiest girls on the planet. This past week a very strong storm (on it's way to becoming a hurricane) hit St Lucia. Winds tore through the small island causing all sorts of havoc.

I am both grateful and lucky that we went on our honeymoon during June instead of now. I was able to have an amazing honeymoon that was barely marred by rain, no less winds. For that, I will be forever grateful. And I feel sad for those people who have not gotten such a good experience due to the forces of nature. And even more so, for the wonderful people who work and live on the island who treated me & Roy with such grace and courtesy.

I have had quite a charmed life. No, I'm not the daughter of a millionaire nor have I become famous for something. I am not a girl genius (in terms of intellect) nor did I have the talent to become a great athlete. But I have survived quite a few experiences that could have gone very, very wrong...and I was born into a good life with wonderful (albeit flawed human) parents.

My first test in life was at birth. My mom had an extended contraction which cut off all the air supply to me for at least 15 minutes. I was born with an Apgar scale number of one Let me break this down for you:

Here's how they're used to rate your baby:
Activity (muscle tone) 0 — Limp; no movement...1 — Some flexion of arms and legs...2
— Active motion
Pulse (heart rate) 0 — No heart rate...1 — Fewer than 100 beats per minute...2 — At least 100 beats per minute
Grimace (reflex response) 0 — No response to airways being suctioned...1 — Grimace during suctioning...2 — Grimace and pull away, cough, or sneeze during suctioning
Appearance (color) 0 — The baby's whole body is completely bluish-gray or pale...1 — Good color in body with bluish hands or feet....2 — Good color all over
Respiration (breathing) 0 — Not breathing...1 — Weak cry; may sound like whimpering, slow or irregular breathing...2 — Good, strong cry; normal rate and effort of breathing

So, yeah, I was born completely limp, like a rag doll, had no airway response, had a very light pulse, was completely blue and wasn't breathing. It was NOT a happy day for the parents. But I both survived it and, after one year, they discovered that I was not brain damaged (no matter what my brother says!). The only legacy to this experience is a difficulty in short term memory at times. Not bad and makes me VERY lucky.

Another example I can give was when I was 12. I was riding a bike and my brakes failed. I hit a 3 foot high wall and fell about 15 feet down into a stream. My face was inches from a huge rock and I only ended up with a hole below my lower lip, needing a fake front tooth and a broken arm. How lucky is that?

So, yeah...I have to say that I have been a fortunate girl. When I was younger, I always wondered if I was alive to do something special. If surviving these accidents was a way of keeping me around for a purpose. I used to pray that I would live at least to 30 (yes, I did at one time think that was OLD). I no longer feel that way. I don't think I have a 'job' to fulfill. Or that I was destined to do something important. I just feel lucky. Plain, old, lucky.

Nestie

The nesties rock.

I met two of them on Thursday evening for dinner. We went to Navajo Joes in Covent Garden for a yummy dinner (well, at least mine was). These two were great! So friendly and had the perfect level of sarcasm and bite...kinda similar to my friend Alicia who moved back to the States.

Then on Saturday I went to a larger gathering at one of the nestie's house. We had a baby shower for a few of the women. It was a great time to meet a few women who I had only gotten to know on the board. Some of us then went on to the city...I couldn't hang out with them for long as I was having 'date night' with Roy...but I suspect that I'll see a few of them soon again!

It's quite different to be part of this sort of community. How do you explain that you met people from the internet without sounding...different? You feel like you sorta know them and yet, you don't. I have met quite a few people from internet groups and really enjoyed it. I've made some good friends and some lovely acquaintences.

I think I'm going to write more on this at another time...but right now I have Sunday brain...

Lessons learned..

I don't want anyone to think that my husband is a complete ass. He's really not. Nor is he an alcoholic, though, like many Londoners he tends to drink too much on occasion. He really doesn't drink regularly (other than a glass of wine for dinner once in a while). And last night he came home from work and dragged me onto the bed to have one of our bed chats (don't know why but we seem to be able to talk better in bed).

He had talked to his friend, Tom, about the situation last night. He basically told him that even if it was a pain or meant that he was going to be late, that he would always leave the car at home if he was going to be drinking. Or if he couldn't, that he'd just leave the car. And if he thought that he hadn't drunk too much, but had, that Tom could call me or take away his car keys. I was proud of my hubby for coming up with a plan. He again apologized to me for his behavior. It's one of the things I do love about him...he's willing to own up to his mistakes and to talk about things.

Hunger, anger and hope

This is bad. It's only 11am and I'm already hungry. I don't know what I'm going to do when I eat at 6:45am instead of 7:30am...I'll be done for by 10:30! I guess I need to start planning in some healthy snacks. Like yogurt or something like that. It's the downside to starting work again - having to get up earlier and then not being able to eat lunch when you feel like it. Oh, well.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

DH scared me last night. Actually, no, he pissed me off. We live in London, land of transportation. We have access to public transport and a gazillion cabs. So there is absolutely NO reason for anyone to drive when they go out drinking. Roy played in a football (soccer) game last night and then went out with a friend (his best man). Now, I understand the car for football as it's tough to get to otherwise, but he ought to have dropped off his car and then taken public transport to the pub. But no. He drove. And then didn't want to leave his car there cause he would have had to either leave it there and get a £180 fine or wake up at an ungodly hour to pick it up. So he chose to drive after drinking way more than he ought to have. I reamed him out last night. And again this morning. It's unexcusable. He could kill or hurt himself or someone else. Yeah, he felt in control, but don't all drunks. No. It's not acceptable. He also now has a responsbility to me. He could even just call me if he wants. I only had one drink last night in my girlie night out, so I would have been fine to drive. Upset with him for doing this dumb thing, but okay to drive.

He will not do this again. I've put such a kabosh on it that I'm quite sure it'll stick. He felt my wrath. Hugely. Which, when you are hungover, is not so much fun. And quite honestly, it disgusts me that as an adult, he'd even consider it. Come on...have you learned nothing since you were young, dumb and full of "*&£()&?

I've done the drunk driving thing once. And the results scared me so much that I never did it again. I had to pull off a highway, into a parking lot, lock the doors, put my keys somewhere unfindable by another person and sleep for a while. In NJ. I could have been killed, maimed, taken...or done so to another person on the road while I was driving. Never again I said. I hope that my DH will also learn. He better or I'll have to do something about it. And that would make our relationship very uncomfortable. But better that than death.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anyway...work is going to be okay. Busy, crazy and tiring, but okay. I just have so many new ideas of things to do - I think I'm going to be working some seriously late hours and spending much less time online..which is good. I hope the kids like what I'm going to do!

Autumn?

I woke up at 6:30am. Wide awake. That kind where you know you just won't find any way to fall back to sleep. Sigh. So I got up, trying to let Roy sleep his one more hour. I started out on the couch, and had my cereal as per usual and turned on the news. I wasn't so excited about it all. I'd rather have had my sleep. But life sometimes intervenes. And then, it hit 7:00am. Ah, yes, I have a package to pick up from Royal Mail. And they open at 7:00am. Cool. I'll do that.

I was thinking about wearing just a tee-shirt with jeans, but decided for some reason to wear a fleece instead. And a good thing I did. I walked out of the door and felt it. The feel of autumn. You know it...a cool tinge in the air. The weather that feels chilled in the morning but warms a bit as the day goes on. And it was. Chilly that is. I actually felt like I could have used another layer. My breathe felt much fresher. A small breeze bringing the little hairs up from under my headband. My cheeks. Definitely turning red.

So, summer is heading toward it's ending. I supposed it's appropriate in my last day before returning to school full-time. It'll make it much easier to return than hot and sunny days!

If feet turn you off...don't read any further!


Today was 'make me look better before the kids return' day. So I left at 10:15am today to go get my hair cut and coloured. Yes, folks, at the ripe ol' age of 38, I have a head full of greys. It's quite sad. I have to go every 4-5 weeks to get it done. Sigh. Unfortunately, my hairdresser dyed it a bit darker than I wanted..wah! But I'll get over it. I wanted it lighter to go with my summery look I have going on (aka bleached lighter reddish brown by the sun). I'll have to attack it with lots of shampoo and red treatment to get it to where I want it. But the cut will be nice. Easy to maintain.


Then I went on to get a mani/pedi. I haven't had a pedicure since before my honeymoon. Yes, I've used a scrubbing brush on it, but no professional had gotten their hands on my tootsies in over two months. And it showed. After a lovely soak, she started in on my cuticles. Lots of gunk was removed. And then the shaving of skin. I've never seen so much skin come off my body in one fell swoop...shavings and shavings of it. Kinda turned me off I have to say. And I tend to like my feet. Then a scrubbing. At least the outcome was good - pretty dark hot pink toes with soft soled feet. Lovely.


The fun part of this experience was watching people sit on the bench outside the nail salon. The first was a woman who seemed surgically attached to her mobile phone. On and on she went. Even after she decided to remove herself from the seat, she was still on the phone, clutching her packages to her side in one hand...quite precariously I must say. Then on came the workmen. Four of them. One was a skinny sort who didn't seem to quite fit. He was there first, followed by a more hardy fellow. They both brought over their bread and, what looked like, tubs of soup. Then two more, even bigger men, arrived and pushed the poor small guy to the edge of the bench. They were hoisting up these MASSIVE sandwhiches, the like I've never seen before. Seriously. I mean HUGE. GYNORMOUS! The three bigger guys were joshing each other and pointing at various people outside the shop. I just really wanted to know what they were saying...but then it was time to go get my nails dried...and when that was done, they were gone.


I headed back home, on my way to finishing up the painting. Tomorrow I get to hang out at home...carpet for our bedroom will be delivered and installed. That will be it. Done with decorating. All to do will be cleaning and organising. Woo hoo!

What?

I've noticed something recently. Which is a change. Cause what I've noticed is that I've stopped looking at the world. Yes, I see things happening and all that, but I've lost a bit of that sense of the world as a place to be watched. I'm not sure if I can explain it well...but I remember noticing small details that struck me. And now I'm not. I don't like it. I want that back. And so I'm going to try, even though I'm in the beginning of a newly stressed out phase of life (going back to work and field hockey), to pay attention to my environment much more! And write about it. Cause, quite honestly, sometimes even I find my life to be a bit boring...can't imagine anyone reading about it doesn't either at times!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So I'm sitting here at work...and just got introduced to all the new teachers. A nice bunch, or so they look. And even more fun - one of the newbies is a teacher from my last school...one who I liked! Woo hoo! She's going to be doing tech work in the theatre and teaching that sort of thing. The kids will LOVE her as she's just so chill...and the faculty will get on with her too as she's so NOT obnoxious in any way. I'm happy she was able to leave BB&N, as she felt quite the same way about it as I did.

Crush them Ally Pally gals!

What a great day! Sunday we played against our rivals, Alexandra Palace. This was a team that smashed us last year - just creamed us in cricket. But we were back, stronger batters, stronger bowlers and NOT intimidated by their crap.

The team, when you aren't playing them, are totally lovely people. There are some serious characters on the team, a few that we are 'iffy' about...but they are nice overall. Just like most of the teams in our league. But on the field, they can be nasty. One woman, who had played for us in the past, heckled a past friend of hers. Come on! And it was a gross heckle too - something about your unborn child and the like. The woman who was heckled got hers back though - she got the heckler out, who went on to have a temper tantrum, throwing the bat on the ground and kicking it. HA!

Their stronger batters were just not on. One woman who had previously scored in the 40s, got a 1...another who had scored in the 30s, got a 3. We held them to 58 runs...all out...in less than 20 overs (in a 25 over game). For those of you who are clueless about cricket, let's just say that this was VERY good (they didn't score much, they all got out in some way or another and they were all out before the end of their batting 'time' so couldn't continue). So we only had to score 59 in 25 overs. Very doable.

Now I am the first batter on my team. That means I have to stay in against the harder bowlers (usually) and not get out...let them get tired...let the less good bowlers come in. And I did. I stayed in for 12 overs, which was enough to get rid of their spin/swing bowler. Sweet. Didn't get a ton of runs, but got us to our best batters who took the score in hand...and we won, 59 for 3, after only 17 overs. It was good. Very, very good.

And so we all hung out afterwards, had a few drinks, ate some barbeque and just enjoyed the summer sun while watching the boys play. What a good day!

The good, the bad, the indifferent...

Yesterday, I stood in a queue for over an hour, (free) ticket in hand, to go and be part of the live audience of Loose Women. I was very excited about this, cause I had been watching the show during my summer break and really wanted to see it. But I got to near the front of the line and heard the words, "Sorry folks, but there are no more spaces available". And this is where I got a bit angry. They were able to count how many people were around earlier. I mean, they actually did the counting. So why, why, did they make me stand there for the extra half-hour just to let me know that I wouldn't make it in...oh, and next time I could get a special ticket that would guarantee my entry. Too bad I'll no longer be on vacation and able to go. BUGGER! So I wasted one of my last mornings on vacation. Sigh.

So I came home and did a complete stress/anger reliever and baked some bread (an attempt at naan). The naan wasn't exactly like what you'd get in a restaurant, more like a chipati, thinnish and crispy. But still tasty. I'm going to try a new recipe out this weekend and see if it's a bit better. Either way, I get something yummy in the end. In addition, I made my first attempt at dhal. This is a lentil, a staple in the Indian diet. And I'm trying to learn some foods that are part of that culture, so I can pass them on (if I have kids). And it wasn't half bad. A few things to change, but I got the basics pretty darn close. So I was happy about that. Cooking and baking seem to have that effect on me.

Today is the beginning of the end...I'm going to be heading back to the school to do some work. Yes, work. It's what most people don't realise about being a teacher. While, yes, you do get a lot of vacation, during half of it, you tend to actually have to do work. And we work on weekends. And nights. So it's not all fun and giggles. But I have to admit that I've had a great few weeks of relaxation, even with having to doing a lot of things around the house. I'm sad that it's coming to an end. But I know it's time to get back to work. (That's why the above situation was more annoying).

Housing

I realized that I am very lucky because I married a man who lived at home into his 30s to save tons of money and who had parents who helped him out in buying his first flat. So we're on the market already in a good way. And two bed flats with two bathrooms are hot on the market. I have a good salary (especially for a teacher over here), which will add enough to his current mortgage (which is VERY low luckily) that we may be able to buy a small house or a larger flat with a garden in the area we currently live in.

Now - this area is not the best area in London by a long shot nor the one we wish we could live in (that would be West Hampstead or Hampstead), but it's also not bad and it's reasonable (compared to other locations around it). There aren't any good restaurants or pubs to hang out in (especially for a multi-racial couple), but we can get to the ones we like in 10-15 minutes on public transport. We will most likely live a little further out from the center of town and a bit further from the transport we both use, but it will be worth it to get the space and back garden (yard in American). The key for me is that I feel safe enough here to walk around late at night coming home from field hockey practice, so I feel comfy enough to raise a family here.

The thing is, right now the average place to live in London is over 300,000 pounds. With an average salary of 25,000 pounds...well, it makes it a bit crazy doesn't it? Most people will have to live in rented places or with their parents for most if not all of their lives. And housing prices will keep rising according to the media. So if we want to move up that ladder, then we have to do it now. It's a lot of pressure. I just feel lucky that we are in the position we are, to on the ladder, no less able to maybe get something even bigger, as I know many others aren't. I'm blessed and I don't take that for granted, ever.

p.s. Have to add..if we sold our flat here and moved to my hometown, with the exchange rate we could literally buy a HUMONGOUS house..I looked online. I could actually buy a huge house with lots of land over there. It's gross. But I'd rather live in London. Cause I love it!!

Home

Moving. I've done it a lot. I'd like to think about how many times I've moved since I left college. I moved back home for one year. I moved to NJ and lived in the same place for 2-1/2 years. I then moved back home for 4 years (grad school). I lived in two places in DC area. I lived in one place in Boston area. I have lived in 3 places in the 3 years I've been here...and we're moving again.

It's time for me to stay somewhere longer than a few years. I really hope we can find a new place that will be a long-term house.

The thing about adulthood is that I feel many of us are trying to find a base. A place to call home. And I haven't found it quite yet. My dad's house will always be home. I spent more time there than any other place. But I want a 'home' of my own. So hoping, hoping, hoping...

A long day...

The courier service never came. Well...actually they did come, but they didn't bother to actually ring my buzzer to let me know they arrived. They just posted a 'note' on the front door saying they were there. Roy told me that this is something that they do on occasion when they are running late for a few jobs and the other jobs pay more. So I got screwed since I wasn't as important a job. And now, I have to do the whole sit in my house thing again on Friday from 9am to 5pm. UGH!

I hate when people don't take their responsibilities seriously. And I hated to be stuck in my flat for 8 hours. I couldn't leave. At all. I couldn't go to the gym...and I actually wanted to go. It just wasn't fair. (Dad would remind me at this point that life isn't fair.) The thing about it, I paid for the service. A lot of money. I did it due to bad service in the UK mail. And then I get bad service with this. Really...it's one of the few things I don't love about being over here. Service can sometimes be horrible. Even when you spend a ton on it and think it will work.

On the positive side of all of this (and being who I am, I did find a few positives), I did organize a lot of stuff in the house, which will make selling it and moving out much easier. I totally cleaned the kitchen. I did some work on the Advisory program. I had fun on the internet and found a few new blogs. I watched WAY too much food based television. I got in a small nap which made me a much nicer person in the evening. All very nice things. And I'll have plenty to do on Friday as well...though I hope they come early in the morning.

Work

I know I have a lot of work to do. But I'm having a hard time sitting down and doing it. But I have to do it. And will get it done. Sigh. There are just times over the vacation that it sucks you actually have to work - be it household work or work work. I'd rather just enjoy myself. But that's normal I guess.

Today's plan:
- clean kitchen including floors
- remove dishes from dishwasher and put dirty stuff in
- vaccuum floors
- do a Hindi lesson
- work on Advisory program

It's a lot to do and I'm trying to spread it out so I can also enjoy myself a bit too. Plus I'm waiting for a courier to arrive to take my passport stuff to the Embassy to start the process of getting a new passport in my married name. The hours to wait: 8am - 6pm. At least I have a ton of things to do in the house...but it's so nice outside, finally, that it stinks to have to stay in here. Oh well..

Good days...

Today has been a good day.

Started off way too early, with an 8:00am wake-up. I had to eat a decent breakfast as I was hoping to play cricket today. There was some question about it as the weather had been quite rubbish in the evening. But we got the call that, yes, we'd play with a later start...and so I ran to the train for my one stop.

My favorite book sellers were out today (sun shining and all). So I bought a new book (which I needed having finished Harry Potter), which I really needed. Okay, you never NEED a book, but I wanted to have one to read.

I got to the pitch well on time and started checking it out. Quite squishy. Rain had slogged through the area. But we were up for it and the decision was made to play on the astro part of the pitch. I'm not a huge fan of the astro as it's quite slippy even regularly, but at least we were going to be able to play.

We were lucky and got the toss, so chose to take the field first. I was very happy about this as it gave me a chance to check out the wicket before batting. I had a good day out in the field - my arm worked well and I didn't make any major mistakes. I love being able to use the strength of throw to my advantage in this sport. Where I play I tend to get quite a few hits.

We were able to get them all out for 55. This is an amazing feat for us - to get everyone out and only allow them to hit for 55 points. Our bowling was magnificent. The best it's ever been. But we also had the advantage of the wicket being complete ick.

I was then up to bat first. This is a huge thing for me. I feel like it means that the team has confidence in me. And I try to live up to it. While I didn't get many runs, I was in for the entire time until we got out 56. And we only lost one wicket. I was instrumental in making lots of calls so that we would get some extra runs on extras.

So it was a fun day at cricket.

In addition, we've now ordered a carpet for our bedroom, and so the plan is to paint it next week...then the carpet will be delivered...and hopefully we'll get the bathroom finished as well and we'll put it on the market (after making the flat look pretty).

So - that's it for now. If the day continues the way it's been going, then I'll be a lucky girl.

Healthy

So I've been in this new 'diet' for a week. It's not necessarily a diet as much as a new way to try eating. I haven't been exactly faithful to it - eating what they say that day - but I'm following most of the 'rules' and doing what I can.

This diet is the 5-Factor diet. It has some good ideas in it - you workout 5 days a week, for a minimum of 25 minutes (so the days you have little time, you can get a few things done and feel good for having done them). You eat protein, carb, fiber, healthy fats & drink a sugar free drink (water for me usually). You have one cheat day a week, where you can eat anything. And 5 meals a day - the normal 3 and 2 snacks.

Now, I'm not usually hungry for the snacks as I'm eating breakfast much later than I normally do and eating lunch at a normal time...so I've been mixing my snack possibilities with my lunch to make a much nicer combination. Or I'll mix up the ingredients in different ways. Today I was supposed to have a black bean & tofu mix as well as a soup...I just made the soup into more of a stew with the beans and tofu mixed in. Much nicer!

I also add many more spices than they call for, cause I don't want bland food. Ick. No way! One of the problems with this diet is that it's US-centric...we don't tend to have many fat-free items in the small grocers around here...or sometimes even in the big ones. People just don't eat fat free sour cream. So I've used the full fat things (like cottage cheese), but less of it. It's just the way it is.

Even if I don't really lose much weight on this diet, I do still feel much healthier for it. I'm eating very fresh things and with the combination of products, feeling full. I like that. I won't be able to do this during the school year, especially in the autumn, but I will strive to eat things that make me feel good and last me a while...less fats, less sugars...yeah, I like that idea.

Busy busy

We're doing it. We're going to sell our flat. So it means that we have to do the final finishing touches to make our place the best it can be. It means doing some painting, a bit of fixing things, putting in new carpet & bathroom flooring...it'll be a busy few weeks ahead of us. But that's a good thing.

I saw one place that I'm interested in. I hope that I can get to see it some time this week. We'll see. It's a townhouse, with three bedrooms and a back yard (garden), as well as a garage and other parking. That would be a good step up the ladder and it's within our budget.

On top of all of this, I definitely have tons of other things to do, from getting a new social security number, a new passport and changing my name on credit cards and the like, to working on the advisory program. Busy summer for me. But for the next few days, I'll be focusing on the Harry Potter books. Yes, books. I decided to re-read the sixth book before I started in on the last one. And once I get to the final book, I'm going to take my time. I really hope that no one messes it up for me...I refuse to read anything about it!

Well...on to my next reading session!

The movie experience

I had such a cool experience last night. I went to the Everyman Cinema Club. It was such a different experience than anything else I had ever been through when watching a movie...and if you are in London, and don't mind spending a bit more on a movie, then you should try it.

I 'rented' a club suite. Sounds impressive, does it not? What you get with this is a lovely couch with squishy pillows, across from that is a soft covered bench where you can put your feet or your purse or something, and on the side, a place to put food, wine glasses and a wine bottle cooler. It was the most comfortable movie going experience ever, plus I got to snuggle up to my honey when the mood hit.

I went to see 'Harry Potter' and enjoyed it. Definitely very dark compared to other movies I've seen. And it was so cool to see Imelda Stauton in this movie as a horrible woman - she did a great job...and it must have been totally fun to be BAD!

Baby Cakes

So I'm back from Philly. It was so nice to see my dad and step-mom. The conference was fantastic. And the Phillies won the game that we went to see. Life in the States was good. (I mean how bad could it be if I was being paid to be in a cool city? Yes, I did have to pay for some things, but overall not much.)

And now I'm back, with tons to do, but no motivation to do them. I feel like a slug. I suppose I deserve some relaxation time, but will have to get a move on it next week.

Recently, Roy and I have been talking about what life will be if we end up having a baby. There are tons of articles which scare the bejeezus out of me...this one for example:

baby article

The whole idea of actually giving birth is rather frightening. I remember those videos they showed with the baby being born. Gross. And then there's the lack of sleep. And I like my sleep. And I'm already bitchy when I lack it. What kind of mother will I be?

So as you can see...I really don't have a baby urge. I love them when I can get a hold of someone else's and I have a knack for making babies smile (or at least stop crying) by wiggling my curls...but have never felt that drive that some women seem to have. I know if we have a baby (which is getting more and more biologically impossible due to age), I'll be a fine mom. I love to play and I'm usually decently patient. But I have to admit that if we can't have one due to either Roy's or my bodily incapabilities, then I won't be too sad for myself. For Roy, who has a huge want for a baby, yes, but for me, no.

Sometimes I wonder if that makes me 'less of a woman'. But realistically, there has to be some of us out there who don't have kids. Booming populations in the world and all. And maybe some of those 'needs' have been sublimated into taking care of teenagers at their most needy times in my job. I do care for my small group of kids who come to see me regularly.

Regardless...we're trying for a little sprocket of our own. I can see it now...a year of craziness. But despite my misgivings, I'm going to give it my best. Cause I have an amazing husband who would make a fantastic dad, and who talks to me about my worries. I don't think I'll be like the woman in the article, primarily because I will have someone to talk to - can't shut that boy up! Keep those fingers crossed.

An attempt to answer a question

A reader, Casey, has asked me to post about my relationship, particularly in regards to it being a Hindu-Christian one. So I thought I'd try to answer his questions and worries a bit from my viewpoint.

Hi Casey - glad you've stopped by. I hope you've taken some time to read my earlier posts...they definitely talk about some of the not so happy times in my relationship. And yes, there were some VERY tough times.

I'll give you a bit more background...when I was in my 20s, my father went on sabbatical to India to work at a private school over there. I decided that since I was going to be spending some time there, I should learn more about the culture. And it is different from the American one...at least historically. One thing to remember - all families will be different and come from different points of view - even when it comes to relationships (I know a white woman who was highly welcome). But there are some general 'truths'. We in American come from an individualistic society - this means that the focus is primarily on the individual. We treasure this in so many ways. And it can be great - we can move beyond our 'station' in life and go from poverty to millionaire within one generation. But it also means that family can be lost. In many Eastern societies, such as India, family is much more important. They are collectivist societies. You don't think about your self as most important but what is best for the family. And this comes through in relationships...while Indian society has moved a bit toward 'love relationships', there is still a focus on being with someone who will work well within your family. Because marriage is it. That is the relationship. And marriage is not just between two people, but between two families. So you want your families to be compatible. You marry within your group...so if the family is wealthy, they may expect their son or daughter to marry rich as well. (This isn't different than American society in some ways if you think about it).

So - a lot of Indian children will not talk to their parents about dating. Especially if they are first generation to a more individualistic society. And ESPECIALLY if their dating partner is not Indian. Because that goes against expectations.

Roy did not tell his parents (who moved to England in their 30s) about me. Not until it got VERY serious. He knew that they would object. His parents' view about Americans was not a good one. And that's because all they hear are the bad things -
- Americans get divorced
- Americans are all about getting money (thus when women divorce the man, they take them for all they are worth)
- Americans are sexually promiscuous.
- Americans are anti-family

And worse...if we got married and gave birth, our child will lose their "Indian-ness...the culture would be lost. I compared it a lot to my very Jewish friends - their parents were very worried about them marrying outside the faith and losing the faith.

When Roy actually told his family about me...well...it was not good. If you go back to the beginning of my blog, http://ukyankee.blogspot.com/2006_01_01_archive.html, you'll get to read about some of those difficulties...

His parents refused to meet me once they found out about me. And they threatened him quite a bit. The summer after met, about 9 months in, was one that was horrible. He was getting a lot of pressure to stop dating me. And it was a pressure that almost caused him to break up with me. And that's where it's tough. Because family means so much. It's not that they want their children to be unhappy...but they do want them to do what they think is the right thing, aka mate with another Indian person.

It wasn't until we were engaged, about a year after that first summer, that they finally started to come around. We didn't meet until after that. It took a lot for Roy to get us to this point. It took threats, blackmail, etc. from his family. And now it's okay. But that's not what always happens.

So what to do? Trust your girlfriend for a while. But ask her about her family. Support her as she tries to work through this relationship. Don't push. Give some time. While it was very, very hard on me, it was worse on Roy. I just gave him tons of support and didn't push him. He says that's what made the difference - his family were pressuring him, but I didn't put too much out there. And so the choice was made easier for him...

She knows her family and what will work. And if you are both young and new in this relationship, then you have time to give. As a 30-something year old, I wasn't willing to wait to marry him for too long (we got engaged after 1-1/2 years of dating and married one year after that)...but if we had been in our 20s, then I would have not worried so much about the family thing until after a full year or two of dating.

Have to tell you...it was hell for a while. I cried a lot. So did Roy. Our love was put to a huge test. But he came through. It doesn't always happen. Sometimes the family wins. But I thought he was worth the hell...for a short period of time. From 9 months (summer) until we got engaged (spring), there were times when I just wanted to leave and not have to deal with it...but it was worthwhile.

So, Casey, not sure if I answered your questions or not...hope that I did. I think any relationship where there are differences between the partners will be tough, be it religion or race. Only you and your partner can decide whether it's worth the effort. Good luck!

Philly!

So I made it to Philly after a bumpy airplane ride. Luckily I was next to a silent girl, so I could watch my movies in peace and just read when I wanted. The ride from the airport to the hotel took WAY long...went in one of those vans that drop people off a few at a time. And I was in the last hotel. Definitely NOT doing that for the way back - it'll be a taxi all the way.

Met Alicia (from UK and now living in US) at the hotel (poor thing had been waiting for 1/2 hour). We plopped my stuff in my very large amazing room (it's almost the size of my living room/dining room combo), checked out the cool river/Penn's Landing view, and then, feeling a bit of hunger, took off to find a place for dinner.

We walked up and down Market St and finally, in a side road, found a place to get some steaks...something we were both hankering for. And I got my fav Pennsylvania beer, Yuengling lager (pronounced ying-ling). We ate well...then needed to walk some of it off...before finding a cute, very cute, old fashioned ice cream store. It was fantastic. And the ice cream was good too!

We then walked back, hung out and tried to keep me awake past 10. I happily made it to 11:00 while watching the Discovery Channel.

I slept okay, though woke up around 6:45am...sigh...and Alicia got up around 8am. We then hung out more, talked, showered and tried to decide what to do. As it was in the 90s (or 30s c.), we decided that shopping in the outlets was in order and we hit Franklin Mills. As I only have one small suitcase and didn't want to buy another, I was restrained...only a few teeshirts, two pairs of jeans and a pair of work shoes for me (and yes, that is restrained when you think about the exchange rate). And all of them are 'needed'...I don't fit into my current jeans, my current black work shoes are shot, and I don't fit well into my nice tee-shirts...so all of this will replace old stuff (though I'll keep my smaller jeans in hopes that I return to that size someday! Yes, I am a girl.)

I start up in my conference in a bit...hopefully it will be useful and good. I'll let ya know!

A Country Wedding



I went to a wedding this weekend and this is what I wore. So happy to get the experience of wearing a hat to a wedding.

It was a typical English wedding in a gorgeous old church, with the bells ringing like crazy. There were about 7 or 8 people who were in charge of these bells and they made quite a happy noise. The ceremony was lovely - not too long, not too short - and the bride and groom along with their families looked ever so happy.

This was followed by a reception at the local cricket grounds under a marquee (or tent as we call it in the States). The party had worked hard to make it look lovely all purples and greens. Pimms and lemonade were served as you entered, and small tidbits of food were passed around.

Then dinner was served and people were very happy with their salmon or chicken, and the wine flowed from that point on for hours. It's quite the tradition to get a bit sloshed, I think, based on my past and current experiences.

Roy and I drank a reasonable amount of wine and beer...but much of the time you could find us on the dance floor. We knew we had to drive at least a mile or two to get to the hotel, so we didn't want to be under the influence as we did so.

It was a blast to see all the people in their various styles. I was one of the few younger ones in a hat, but got tons of compliments on it....which made me very pleased (internally I was very smug...bad, Liane, bad!). The music was perfect for us all to dance. The drink flowed at the perfect pace. And food was solid and yummy.

It was a great country wedding, in a gorgeous location. And as we stepped outside to get to our car, and we looked up, there were thousands of stars to be seen. Something we miss in our lives in London. And after we woke up to a lovely Sunday morning, with a view to the hills, we vowed that we MUST go to the country at least once every summer...if only to gaze at stars and rolling hills...

Terror

I have to admit that all of the latest news about terrorism in London and Glasgow is quite scary to me. The possibility that there are men who were trained to be doctors, the ones who SAVE lives, who are willing to kill people through car bombs, is quite frightening. And I can see why terrorists would want to 'hire' someone like that. It definitely screws with your mind. You start thinking, 'Who can I trust?'. And that is more powerful than any bomb going off.

Now, this won't stop me from doing what I need to do during my normal daily life. Or Roy's life. Yesterday, he was kept from leaving his building at work, as they were doing a forced detonation in a car right near where he was. The entire sector were asked to remain in their buildings and get back from windows. Not cool. But we're all still going to work (well, I'm not) or going shopping (I definitely am). And that's what is great about being in London. UK people have lived through so much - World Wars, IRA and now more terrorists - and keep their 'stiff upper lip'. While they may be a touch more nervous to travel on the tube sometimes, they still do it. It's just what they do.

I've checked out the newspapers in the US to see what they are saying about all of this, and I'm quite happy that it's very low key. I'd hate for my parents to be freaking out about it all. But we do have fears over here that this will not only continue but get worse. I kinda hope nothing too major happens...I'm grateful that no innocents were killed by the latest actions.

Next week, I leave to go back to the States for a conference. I know that there are possibilities that flights could be cancelled, delayed or otherwise messed up. I really hope that nothing of the sort happens, but if it doesn, I'll deal. I'm looking forward to going to this conference, and to see my dad and step-mom (it's in Philly which is relatively close to my hometown) for a day. It will be very cool. And give Roy a needed break from me - once you spend 2 weeks in each others' company non-stop, you sometimes need some time apart. I've had the days to myself...but Roy always is around people at work and then home to me...it'll be good for him to not have to worry about what I want for a few days!

An American holiday...but not here

Happy 4th of July everyone! It's kinda weird living in the UK and knowing that my friends and family in the States will be watching fireworks, eating traditional foods and celebrating this holiday. But over here...nothing. (Which, of course, makes sense) There are things you can go to, but it's not the same as hanging with your buds or fam and doing it. So I won't be celebrating this day, other than to eat corn on the cob & blueberries for lunch, which is about as traditional as I could get. Maybe when I have a back yard, I can host a barbeque!

Just a day...

Today is the first day where I don't have to go to work, and yet I'm not on a vacation. Now, note, I did actually go into work for a few reasons, and I got an email from Roy about our future vacation around Christmas. So I haven't gotten away from either too much!

We didn't sleep too well last night. It probably had a lot to do with Saturday night. I went to a hen night and was out until 1:30am (just dinner and drinks but it was in south London so it took a while to get back home) and Roy was out with the future hubby and a friend until (frickin') 4:00am. This did not help change our sleep patterns too well. And then we woke up at 8am. Sigh. But I got up with Roy, took my shower and got ready to head out. I wanted to see if I had any phone messages, change my outgoing message, get any mail that was there and see what Alicia had left for me in my office prior to moving back to the States.

My office was packed with some good stuff and some junk, which I will toss. The rest of it will either go to my in-laws (a big screen t.v. that I leant to her) or will be sold to newbies coming in August. I did find some good mail and a few old messages. But best of all - I got to meet the new Head of School and Head of High School. I'm looking forward to talk to them further but it was good to actually see them and introduce myself. I'm a bit nervous about next year having so many new people working in administration...but we'll survive it!

The rest of the day so far I've spent relaxing (on counch, on computer or watching cooking shows), cleaning and shopping for lots of veg and fruit (we're trying to up our 5-a-day thing). I'll cook dinner and do a bit more laundry soon...busy day! I wonder what tomorrow will bring...it ought to lead to some gym time I think!

The mood

You wake up slowly, cause there isn't an alarm calling your name. You both smile at each other and know that you will have a wonderful day in the sun.

You get up, brush your teeth, and get ready for breakfast then beach. You exit the room onto your front porch, where you feel the warmth on your skin. The smell of mango is in the air, with birds singing in the background. Cracking of bamboo shoots into the air. A gecko runs in front of your feet.

You wave and say 'hello' to those who are sitting on their porches drinking coffee and tea, and smile, feeling like you are part of some old fashioned community.

You walk over a small bridge and see the pool in front of you. Thinking of hours in the future, you plan what drink you'll have as you sit at the pool bar, or how much sun you'll want to get while lounging on the float. The man cleaning the pool shouts a 'good morning' and you reply in kind.

Past the clubhouse and onto a sandy path, you continue on toward the restaurant. The squawking of the parrots follow you into the beach bar. You check out 'Today's Special' on the board, hoping to see some sort of rum punch like the one you had the day before.

And then on to your seat, following the lovely wait staff. Will it be waffles, omelets, fruit or all of them this morning?

But the beach beacons. Warmth, sea and sand. A loving look from your hubby. What more could a girl want?

Views from our honeymoon

Welcome to our honeymoon...as I said earlier, it was amazing! It stayed amazing. And so I thought I'd share a little slideshow of some of the pics. They aren't in any order, so may be a touch confusing, but I'm too tired to try to fix it. (Sorry) Let's just say that there are tons of plants, lots of sea views, pictures from our trip on the Brig Unicorn (used in the first 'Pirates of the Caribbean' movie)...we have returned slighly more tanned than when we left (I don't tan well) with many more bug bites. But still relaxed. I'm feeling the time different and red-eye flight still. But should feel fine in a day or two. More to come later...

East Winds Inn

The place is glorious. Green everywhere you can see. Blue ocean. Sand. Wonderful.

We are staying in small cottages with a porch and a huge bathroom. The bed is a king and we luckily have air conditioning and a fan, so sleeping is comfortable. We unfortunately have tons of noise in the background...birds, insects, frogs...something a city girl like me is not used to. But it's so worth it to be here. Even the massive amounts of moscitos are worth it.

We arrived during a sunny afternoon, and went straight to check out the pool and beach. The pool water is perfect -not too sunny, not too cold. And there's a self-serve bar right there. One guy made us some brilliant rum punches that first afternoon. Then there's the beach. There are two sides and we tend to stay on the left side...it feels more intimate somehow. And there's a bar there with a bartender or two to make your drink wishes come true. I've enjoyed their specials of the day!

Meals are held in an open air restaurant. Cool breezes flow through, with small finches joining us in hopes of gaining a few crumbs or two. Cheeky little things they are! But we start the evening in the open air clubhouse where we are served champagne or any cocktail we want. What's great is that this is all inclusive! So we eat and drink what we want.

We went scuba diving on Tuesday and R. really loved it. I think he'd like to end up getting certified some day. I'd love it if he would. We'll see if he can do the beginner part in London and then we'll do a course somewhere warm. The place down south of the island where we scuba'd and snorkled was quite beautiful...overlooking the Pitons.

Tomorrow we go on a sailing trip down to the south of the island...this time we'll bring the camera. Can't wait to post pics.

Well...that's it for now. Back to the honeymoon. And sun!

Thoughts

Bought my friend, A's, used sofa-couch. R decided we could use his mom's car & roof rack to move it. It rained. Couch ruined. Way to start a holiday. £150 gone, what a lesson to learn. Damn. But life continues...and we leave in one hour. Won't let it ruin things. But he should have listened to me. Guess that's married life.

Shopping Spree

The unfortunate thing about gaining weight is that you end up not having as many clothes to wear as you used to. A lot of my favorite skirts have gotten a bit tight. And there's some things I just can't wear. With having my honeymoon beginning on Sunday, I thought that it might be time to buy a few things to have to wear that I'll be comfortable in. So I went shopping.

I had already purchased one dress from Next, but I wanted a few more things. And boy did I find them. I ended up at Debenhams, which is one of my fav stores. It's similar to Macy's in a way, having many labels under it's roof. It was a bit overwhelming, as usually I'm only looking for one thing...this time I was on a major hunt. And a hunt it was. I began shopping around 1:45pm and finished around 3:30pm. For me, that's a huge day of shopping. I found two more cute dresses, a few tops, two pairs of capris and something to wear to the beach. And it wasn't super expensive cause I went for things either on sale or from less expensive labels. Here's one of the dresses I found:

I'm hoping that some of them will become too big for me by the end of the summer...and that, due to their cut, I could use them eventually if I was preggers during warmer months. Either way, though, I didn't want to spend too much.

I've also found a bikini. I ordered one from swimhut. It's quite pretty!

I do not look anything like this model, but it still fit decently and I liked the colour. Along with a black tankini, I'll be fine in the water & while sunbathing.

The thing that is very cool...R was actually happy with my purchases. He saw that I needed a few things, that they are 'flexible' and he was happy for me. He didn't give me a hard time for spending my own money, cause he knows that I don't spend carelessly. It's a good feeling to be trusted...

Tip toeing to the end...

It's exciting times in our household...only 5 more days until the honeymoon! And while we're away, some relatives of mine are staying in the flat. We started the process of getting ready last night by vaccuuming some of it and cleaning the second bathroom. Lots of laundry has been done with about 3 more loads to go (which is driving R up the wall...he can't understand how we produce so much laundry...I point out sheets and towels as taking up at least 2 to 3 loads of this, but it still boggles his mind).

On the downside, I haven't had much time to go shopping. I bought one dress, but still would like at least 2 more and/or perhaps a few skirts with cute tops. I've unfortunately grown out of some things (gotten heavier) so I need to restock cute stuff for the summer. I did try ordering a bikini (since R wants me to wear one) and Figleaves said it was shipped on the 31st of May. Is it here yet? NO! So I ordered from another company with express delivery and it should be here by Thursday at the latest. Sigh. Hopefully, I'll have time to shop tomorrow and/or Thursday.

Today is going to be exam grading day and night. I'll be crazy busy. R. will have to take care of cooking dinner. I've done some, but expect to get a group of them by this afternoon to grade. Ugh. I can't wait to be done.

Wednesday, we have to be all dressed up and go to awards day (I'm in jeans today...woo hoo). Then we pass back the exams. I can give the kids their final grades, put them in the system and then I'm finished!

Thursday, I get a mani/pedi, and then we have some faculty lunch to say 'goodbye' to all the faculty who are leaving and celebrate those who have been here forever (20 years, 25 years, etc). I'll go shopping after that if I don't get a chance to on Wednesday. And then home to start packing and do some more cleaning.

Friday will be a lost day - we have graduation in the morning, go to lunch with A. after that, dinner with A. & R and a few others...and it'll probably be a late night drinks session.

Saturday, we finish packing and cleaning, I get my bikini wax (ouch!), we pick up a couch we bought from A. & take it to my in-laws' house, and then take off for the hotel near the airport. We have a 9am flight on Sunday and didn't want to have to get up at 5am and rush to get to the airport on time (in case of train disruption or the like). Much easier...and it means our honeymoon begins on Saturday evening! We'll just be able to get up, shower and go to the airport at a reasonable hour.

So that's it. My crazy week. But it will all be worthwhile!

One more week. Yes...only one more week left of work and then I'm off to my honeymoon!!!

What do I have left to do? Let's see:
- 8 more sleeps
- grade final exams...I've done 4 of them, but have 11 more to go (7 kids still have to take it)
- proctor an exam (Monday morning)
- play in a six-a-side cricket match this Saturday
- go out to dinner with R's parents and his uncle on Sunday
- figure out grades and turn them in (so happy we don't have to do comments this quarter!)
- clean the flat in preparation for my aunt and cousin...they arrive the day after I leave for the honeymoon. Plus I like coming home knowing I did some cleaning before I left.
- pack
- do a little more shopping for the honeymoon...this is my chance to buy cute little dresses. May have to buy a bikini as the ones I ordered have not arrived...they are VERY overdue. I hate UK mail sometimes (that's another blog topic at another time).
- get a bikini wax...one of those times I wish I was a guy and could wear boxer like bathing suits!
- mani & pedi...those are pure pleasure
- bunch of school events culminating in graduation on Friday
- hang out with my friend, A....she's leaving to go back to the States. I'm going to miss her. A lot!

So as you can see...I will have a very busy week or so ahead of me. But it's all worth it. Just keep your fingers crossed that the weather is good for me on my trip!

Finals

I'm sitting at a different desk this morning than the one I'm used to (in my office). And it's amazingly quiet. But that's the way it is when you give a final exam.

The kids are nervous, but ready to go...they are plodding away at 100 multiple choice and 10 identifications. They have two hours. I don't expect that it will take them that long. I try to get them fully ready for my test and to give them a relatively easy (but definitely) fair exam. There will be a few questions that will stump them, but most are very basic. The identifications shouldn't challenge them too much. But this all depends on if they've reviewed - and if they've done some work through the year.

Every year, when I give an exam, I remember back to the days of taking exams. In some, I felt so good - I knew my stuff. In others, like my French exams, I struggled. I much preferred to write something than to have to study for hours. Many of my friends preferred the opposite.

Do you remember how it felt just before the exam? Kids asking each other questions, raising the anxiety level of all around, even those who were decently confident. The slight panic of finding the room where you were being tested. Having the exam placed in front of you. Taking that deep breath and then beginning. Hoping that you knew it all. Knowing that you probably did not...but maybe could fake it anyway.

Exams are a lot like life for me. I hope that I can prepare for things. And I try my best sometimes...sometimes I don't cause there's something else going on. I know that some things I'll do well in, but others not so much. And when those big life events happen, I'll jump in and do what I can...

Not 'stumped' by this game!

Yesterday we had our first cricket game of the season. Both teams get to play 20 overs...and we had about 3 hours to get them all done before the boys' game began.

We arrived at the pitch at 10:15am and began to warm-up. We ran a bit, stretched and then did some tossing around of the ball. We did a little bit of fielding and then some of the bowlers went to warm up while the rest of us continued to do some fielding stuff. Happily, I was not a bowler!

We were on the pitch first with the other team batting. The other team consisted entirely of teenagers. Young teenagers. So they had youth on their side. But they were a bit intimidated by the fact that we are all adults (with one teenager on the team). And we were 'on'. In my three seasons of play, I haven't seen us look so good. We bowled reasonably well, with a few exceptions. We played did a great job of fielding. And we just looked more professional somehow. It was good! We went through all 20 overs and they had 100 for 7 (I believe).

Then it was time for us to bat. I was first batter, which is a great honor. My partner, K. is usually a great batter and we had high expectations. She unfortunately got an LBW with only a score of 3 runs. And then the next woman came on, who had never played before. But somehow we just were a scoring machine. I actually stayed on to the very end, scoring 34 runs on my own. We won, with a score of 101 for 1, after only 18 overs. Woo hoo! I played the entire game! And had my best score yet. And I got several 4s, and even better a 6. Only the second person on the team to have gotten a six! For those in the know - it was a flat six, sailing just over the boundary.

It was wonderful. A win! Sunny and hot. And I played well. What a great weekend!

Bang

It's gotta be a joke. There's no way. But yes, it was in the Boston Globe online...someone shot another person because they wanted more chili sauce.

Here's the story:
A guy (guy1) pulled up to the take-away window. He was given 3 chili sauce packets, which is what the poor guy (guy2) at the window was authorized to give. But guy1 wanted more. He threatened guy 2. So guy2 gave him ten packets. He wanted even more. Can we say, bizarre need? And the manager came to the window to argue with him. And guy1 shot the manager. Yes. Shot him.

What kind of moron does this? How is it showing how powerful you are, how cool you are, to shoot someone cause they didn't give you the amount of chili sauce you wanted? If he goes and brags about how he got away with this sort of crime, then he proves the loser he truly is.

Come on people - having a gun and using it against defenseless people is not something to brag about. It doesn't give you street cred. It just shows how weak you truly are. A guy like this is not a true man. And any woman who looks up to these sorts, is truly not one of my sisters.

Let's bring back the real man who didn't need a gun to give him balls.

I 'surprised' my hubby by taking him 'away' yesterday. In reality, I told him what I was doing, but the planning part was a suprise.

Yesterday, my cricket game was cancelled, so at 1:00pm, Roy & I took off for central London. We were heading for a hotel in the City of London (which is one square mile). We got a great deal on the hotel as the City is dead and hotels there are mainly for business use. Threadneedles Hotel was lovely. We had an executive king room, which had a huge room, big ol' comfy bed and a gynormous bathroom with large bath. It was perfect.

We dropped off our stuff and then went to Covent Garden so we could get a few things from Lush. We got two of their massage bars, a bunch of bubble bars and a ballistic. We were looking forward to using them duirng our hotel stay as well as our honeymoon (less than 3 weeks away!!!!).

Then back to the hotel for a bath. We started with the Ma Bar BUBBLE BAR. Lovely. Very yummy smelling and made good bubbles. Don't need to go into any other details (ahem). Then on to the massage bar. Let me tell you, Soft Coeur, is one of the best things ever invented. If you ever try it, you'll know why.

We then got ready for dinner, which was located near Trafalgar Square. We went to Brasserie Roux, in the St James Sofitel Hotel. It was great! Good food, good price...yup, we were happy.

Yeah, it all went well. And it was worth it. Roy stopped working on his computer and relaxed. I got to enjoy him all to myself Lovely!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A little aside...got my hair cut. It's less than shoulder high. Very cute. Once I get a pic I'll post it.

Bathing suit shopping and ego bashing

I went to the local 'mall' today. It has the requisit big stores (John Lewis, Fenwicks, Marks & Spencer) plus all the small ones. You can kinda find the same sort of things as you would in other malls in the States.

John Lewis is very similar to Macys. It has all the home stuff, clothing, makeup and the like. But definitely British - Macys certainly doesn't have a haberdashy department in most of their stores. Fenwicks is slightly more upmarket and Marks & Sparks is less (a nicer version of JC Pennys perhaps?).

Then the smaller stores, like H&M, TopShop, Body Shop, Office, etc. Yup, you can find everything.

Initially I was going to search for a bathing suit and started in John Lewis. But...I don't think it was the right store for me to do a bikini shop in. Then again, I don't think any store is right for it cause I'm not sure I'm bikini ready.

And there it is...bikini wearing. When you are heavier than you've ever been, should you wear a bikini? Or should you begin to be more European and just not care? Who will you ever see again from where you are going? Probably no one. Won't there just be tons of other people who are not fat but not small in bikinis? Probably. Maybe this is why I haven't gone on a beach vacation in years. And I don't remember the last time I was in a bikini. But maybe this is the year to do it. The last one. The last time I wear a bikini before I turn 40 (cause I probably won't be going to the beach again before that year is hit).

So - didn't buy a bikini. But I got lots of other stuff...like a kitchen scale (necessary when baking over here) and a few other bits and bobs. So I'll wait until the week before I leave. Maybe I'll have better luck. I think I'll try in Central London - bigger stores...more possibilities. Sigh.

Boring

I've been wracking my brain the past few days, trying to figure out what to write about in my blog. I usually have tons of thoughts, but the past few days...well, there's nothing. And it's not unusual around this time of the year. I have so much going on in work...crazy busy and just focusing on getting to June 15th.

It's amazing how work can sometimes take over your life. But I'm still trying to maintain a bit of balance. I went to cricket training last night and got a great workout...as R. said to me when I showed up at home, "shwettie". And I've planned more than work for the weekend.

This weekend I'm trying to do a bunch of things...the first will be to grade almost 30 papers (about 5 pages long). Ick. Hopefully I'll be able to get at least 3 or 4 done an hour (thank goodness for speed reading skills).

The second thing I'll be doing is shopping for my honeymoon. I need a bathing suit, sun glasses (as I seemed to have lost mine) and I'd like to buy at least one new skirt or dress to wear to dinner.

The third thing, outside of work, that I'll do is play cricket. We have a game on Sunday. I think it'll be a good one as we have some decent new players. Quite exciting.

Fourth...the hotel night and French food. More on that later.

And finally - going to Southall with my in-laws.

So yes...a busy darn weekend. Followed by a busy week...cause I'm giving an essay test to my kids which I'll have to grade by the end of the week so they know who has to take the final exam, which happens the following week. Sigh...oh, and review time. Lots of review time.

So - if I don't post here a lot, it's not that I'm not doing anything...it's just that it's so darn boring. But it's almost over. I keep saying it..and hoping it's true!

Show and tell

I'm quite pleased. I did everything I set myself out to do this weekend.

1. I had two good workouts. I didn't make it to another class, but I still went and challenged myself to some heavy duty weight lifting. I'm hoping it will help before my next class. By the way, I'm still sore. Yes, still. (Or maybe this is new soreness from my weekend weight lifting..it doesn't really matter...still sore).

2. Did my lecture notes for the next two days. I'd like to finish up for the week, but that will happen today and tomorrow.

3. Made some plans for R and me for next weekend. I'm taking him to a hotel and out to a nice French restaurant. I made sure to find a well rated hotel, with a big bathtub and good products. While we won't be going out of town for the holiday weekend (Bank holiday), we'll still be 'getting away from it'. I hope R appreciates this!

4. I did more fixing the bedroom curtains so that I can sleep through the early morning. Now the room is nicely dark even when it's sunny out. There's still some light being let in, as I still have to put the extra fabric on the top...but it's much better! Now I'll be able to sleep in on weekend and when I'm not working this summer.

5. I relaxed. It's always a good thing when at some point in the weekend, you can just let your hair down. And I did!

So, it's going to be a very busy week, but at least my weekend wasn't too crazy. And only 4 more weeks until I go on vacation! Woo hoo!

And she says it again...

On Wednesday night, I had a big cry with my hubby. I had tried on a skirt that morning that I had purchased the previous year...and it did not sit 2" below my navel as it previously had done...no, it was at or above it. It kept riding up as I walked. I was horrified at myself. So I had a good cry about how I just couldn't figure out how to motivate myself to workout and to eat better. I kept sabotaging myself for no good reason. Poor DH!

So yesterday, DH said he'd have to work late (he had a meeting with a guy who he's doing consulting work for). So I thought, why not try one of those classes at the gym. I can't get into my normal workout, so maybe having a class to go to at least once or twice a week will work.
I decided to try Body Pump. It's one of those 'all around toning' sorts of things, where you do weight lifting using a bench and movable weights and the like. The instructor, on seeing my panic at not having ever done anything like this, gave me a few suggestions. I was told to get out six of the lightest weights, as well as the other things needed (like a bench, bar, etc).

And then we began. It was one hour of feeling my muscles shake. One hour of sweating my tush off. I pushed myself, which is kinda sad as I had the lowest amount of weights in the entire class. I felt like such a wimp. But I won't be that person for long...

I left the class feeling like my limbs were made of rubber...going down stairs was tough. I knew I'd be sore...and yup, I am this morning. And I'm going to go back. No more whining. No more whinging. Just doing. (And yes, I do recognize that I've said this before. I really mean it this time. Really. Yes!)

Pet Peeve

Everyone I know has at least one 'pet peeve'. I definitely have a few. Wikipedia defines pet peeves as 'a minor annoyance that can instill extreme frustration in an individual. Typically each person has several pet peeves that aggravate her or him more than the average person. Another person may not react as negatively or at all to the same circumstance.'

Most of mine involve driving for some reason...but there you go. My biggest one does revolve around other drivers. Basically, I hate it when other people don't indicate (use their blinkers) to let you know that they are turning. I hate it when I'm driving or when I'm walking (which is all I do over here). Another one is seeing someone talking on a mobile (cell) phone while they are driving. You are putting yourself and others at risk...is it really worth it? But today I came across something even worse...

A guy was in a very small car (I think it was a G-Wiz or Smart Car) with his son. He was at an intersection and attempting to merge. But at the same time, he wasn't talkng on his mobile...no, he was TEXTING...and doing it as he was turning onto a main road. Yes, boys and girls, texting while driving with his young son in the seat next to him while in a tiny vehicle. He was willing to put his son at great risk just to send out a message to someone RIGHT THEN. I wanted a cop to be around to pull him over. I wanted to be able to jump into the car and shake him.

So people - don't pick up you mobile in your car unless it is pulled over and you have the brake on (hand brake to be specific). It's fine if you want to kill or hurt yourself...but don't bring me or any other people into this. It's not our choice. Think.

Think back to when you were a senior in high school. It was the last month of school. Not many days left to hang with your buddies in the corridors. Teachers are giving out projects knowing that you won't really do your all. You might have an exam to work on. Do you remember how you were feeling about now?

Well...for most of the teachers and admin here, I don't think it is a memory. I think we live it again every single year. Yes. We get senioritis.

I have so much work to do. Organizing for next year while doing things for this year (yes, I'm complaining about it again). But I just don't want to do it. I want to sit and read books. I want to go to the movies. I want to walk around in good weather (not that we have any right now, but I would if it was). And I'm not alone.

I guess some of it (for me) comes from the fact that I have a plan for right after school ends. I am going on a true vacation. And so I just can't wait. I mean, really, it's only four weeks away as of Sunday. So close. And yet...so far.

I can picture it...in my bathing suit (that's not the best picture in reality, but I think of myself as slimmer than I am), drink in hand, sun beating down on my body (which will be covered in SPF 50 by the way) without a care in the world. Who wouldn't have senioritis?!

Just to give you a sense of what I'm picturing in my head...here's a picture or two of the resort:

Yeah...sun, beach, sand, rum....sigh.

School night

You know you're getting older when it physically hurts to wake up after a night out. Not a boozy night out, just a late night.

I went out with R. to meet up with some friends and to watch some comedy. We went to the Comedy Store in central London. Started the evening with dinner - yummy steaks and a glass of red wine. Then off to the club.

The show was a benefit one for dementia. So it was a mixed bag of comedians - most were smaller acts but others had bigger names. And I had a blast! Of course, having the memory that I do, I can't remember any of the names other than a fellow UKY'er, Elizabeth Kuyper, who did a great job (considering that she doesn't do it often). The guy who was staging the show, I think they are called compiers, did a wonderful job - he got us laughing, kept our attention and just jazzed up the show very well...he was almost as good as the regular guys. I did recognize two guys from commercials...and I think some child's show on t.v. (one of those ones like Nickelodian). Have to admit, it was just good to laugh out loud. Something we all need once in a while.

So I got home later than usual. And unfortunately had to wake up earlier than usual due to a 7:30am meeting. And my body is stiff. Maybe this is my body telling me I need to get more sleep, workout more and eat less. Yeah, probably.

Lazy

This has been quite the lazy weekend. Friday night we didn't even cook! We went to our favorite burger joint - The Gourmet Burger Kitchen. It's fantastic. Great big ol' burgers with amazing sauces. Yummy chips. Mmmmmm! It was pure laziness, as I could have very easily gone shopping for food...but I decided to go out with my workmates instead to our local pub.

We then attempted to sleep in on Saturday morning, though the light woke me up (which meant that R. also woke up too). So I got up and did a bit of cleaning, while R. made us tea. I decided that I needed some cereal too. We were having guests the next day and I didn't want it to be too gross looking. From the freezer, I took out the lamb we were going to use on Sunday night. And that was the extent of my work for the day.

Around 10am, we headed to Borough Market (which I talked about a bit earlier in my blog) to pick up food for today. We bought some sweets - a few pieces of cake and pie. We bought some savoury - our fav cheese (mmmm, creamy), a chilli pepperoni and breads. And then finally good olive oil and balsamic vinegar (which if you've never had really GOOD stuff...ya gotta try it - it's not like the liquid you get in the grocers). We tasted so many things. A good morning!

In the afternoon, we caught up on 'Lost' episodes, so that we're now up to date. Can't even imagine where they're going to go with that, though I heard their final season will be in 2010, so there will be an ending eventually. With all the twists and turns, it makes me want to watch more. Darn it.

Dinner was just cheese toast. Divine. Not sure if you've ever had cheese toast. It's NOT toasted cheese. So much better I think.

I finally figure out how to deal with the early morning light (UK light comes earlier and stays later than US light). I used the sari fabric from my mandap, folded it over and put it up. And it worked! I slept until 9 frickin' 30! Which for me is a minor miracle. I feel so much better. Now I have to figure out how to make it permanent. And I will. Time for me to start sewing.

I finished cleaning this morning (yes, a step away from laziness) and we prepped the room for our guests. Some light conversation, tea and treats. It was a good visit of some of R's family friends.

And now, here I am. Sitting on my tush, just looking through the internet with abandon. I suppose I might help R cook dinner (lamb curry)...we'll see. I'm not sure it fits in with my idea of being a lady of leisure.

And it begins with just one step

I walked to work today. Don't know exactly what got into me, but maybe something about not working out, getting heavier and the like. I got up early and was getting ready in my normal way, when I just decided..."I'm not going to the gym this afternoon like I planned (going to pub) so why don't I just walk to work?" And so I went and grabbed my sneakers and took off.

It took me about 50 minutes to get here. Not too bad for a 3-mile or so journey. Didn't want to speed walk too much as I'm not hugely into sweating a ton in my work clothing. But I kept up a decent pace.

The beginning of my walk is through a lovely residential area. I like to dream of winning the lottery and being able to buy one of these houses. They are among the few detached houses in the area and have to be worth a bundle. Definitely not something we could afford. I then began to think about our plan to buy a house in London one day. It's something we've talked about a lot and we're going to have some serious conversations this summer. Realistically, we're going to have to move in with R's parents in order to really save up enough money to have for a really good downpayment and for fees. His flat is probably worth about £250,000 or so, and we could probably get a mortgage that would bring us up to about £350-375,000. So with a ton of money saved, we could easily buy a £400,000 or so house. Now this won't be a stunner of a property - most likely it will need work on it. Or it'll be small. But it will be more than the flat we're in now. But to have to live with your in-laws. Not sure how I'd feel about that. I know it's the norm for Indian families (at least in the not so distant past). We'll see. It would help us to achieve this dream.

As I continued my walk, I headed toward the busy Finchley Road. It's a busy road with shops and people all along it. I was able to continue my fantasy by looking at the type of furnishings I'd want in my dream home. And also what I might want for dinner!

Finally, with slightly tired legs, I arrived at work. I feel that I accomplished something already today. Woo hoo!

A teaspoon of this...

I love to cook. I find it utterly facinating to try new recipes with new ingredients. I look online, look in cook books...pretty much anywhere that I can find to get ideas. One of my favourite websites is a blog called Nosheteria, which I'm quite certain I've spoken about before. And then there's BBC Food for those recipes that are so British (though I do find more than that there).

I'm still getting used to the ovens over here - remembering what celcius temp is the same as the farenheit one. It's a challenge. And then our teaspoons are not the same as UK ones. But I rarely ever totally follow recipes, so it's not that big a deal.

Next week I'm cooking for my in-laws for the second time. They both tend to like the same old things over and over again. But I want to do something different. I found a recipe (in one of my old cut-out collections) for a spicy thai prawn pasta. I think they'll like the spice while appreciating how different it is from what they normally cook for themselves.

Have to say that it's a bit nerve wracking to cook for two people who have so much influence in our lives. Crazy. But I'll be all ready to try this new recipe. And if it doesn't work...well I'll be sure to have something in the freezer that could be used in a jiffy.

Tonight I'm going to make another pasta dish. I'm thinking something like a plain spagetti with a tomato based sauce with chorizo or perhaps pancetta. Add a chili or something for a touch of spice. Mmmmm...my mouth is watering just thinking about it. What R. likes is that I try to make new things, while he tends to stick with what he knows. That way we do have old favourites regularly (like curries) and still have something new every so often too. I think we'll probably have something simple on Friday and then perhaps find something good at Borough Market for Saturday night. Can't wait!

Journey

I'm doing well. I've left on time from the house with hair looking okay (forgot to buy mousse but the gel seems to be working) and my bag packed for the afternoon hockey session.

I get to the train station three minutes early. Excellent. Time to walk to my favorite spot where I can do some people watching.

A few of the same people are standing next to me. The black woman in her usual white coat, with platinum blond streaky hair; so put together. The couple who look like they love to gossip, glancing around at their fellow passengers and giggling into shoulders. The business man who is reading the Financial Times and looking harried.

Train arrives on time (what luck). But what I see before me isn't good news. It's packed. People try to get in. No one wants to move down the center aisle of the carriage. You could fit so many more passengers on the train, but no one is willing to move. Come on people. So not fair. I'd move for you. Nope, can't get on anywhere. Several others are left behind too.

I'm not willing to wait the 12 minutes for the next train. No way. Cause it'll probably be the same. What a pain. Should I take the bus? Yes. Walk out of the station and see both buses that I'd normally take drive on by. Not another bus for 10 minutes at least. Damn it.

So I begin to walk. Walk toward my job. It's good exercise I think. I'm wearing trousers and comfy shoes. It won't be a problem. And perhaps I'll catch a bus along the way.

I walk by people waiting for the C-11. They glance at me struggling along with my over sized black work bag and my small pink backpack. Perhaps they are thinking, 'Why aren't you waiting for the bus?'.

On I go. When the heck is the next bus coming? How could I have walked a mile without seeing one? And then it comes. I'm only a quarter of a mile or so from the tube, but I jump on it anyway. Darn traffic. I should have kept walking. It would have taken less time. But I finally make it to the tube. It's also crowded but at least I can make it on the carriage. And whisked to work.

Made it. Time to get busy.

I'm in charge of what?

Next year is going to be crazy busy. I mean CRAZY busy. I have quite a lot on my plate for work and it'll be interesting to see how it works out. Here's just a little breakdown of what I'm going to be doing:

Counseling - I'll still be the high school counselor. I'll be there to meet for short-term therapy with any of our 450 students. Many of our students who need therapy end up going to someone outside, so I'm more of a support than a serious therapist.

Teaching - I will teach two sections of my Introduction to Psychology class. It's quite a lot of work, but I've handled it okay this year. But I'm going to have to do some summer work to get it totally up to speed.

Peer Advising - I am in charge of this program. Juniors & Seniors meet once every 8-day cycle for 40 minutes with the freshmen. I have to design and run the curriculum, meet with all the advisors at least once a cycle to go over it all. Yeah - it's busy!

Health info - I have to bring someone in to do the alcohol and other drugs education (for Freshmen and Sophomores), I work on trying to educate the students on other health related topics

GSA - I am one of two adult mentors for our Gay Straight Alliance. Next year we're trying to bring in a speaker to work with all the groups in the high school - teachers, faculty and students...with a few workshops for the student leaders. It'll be interesting. I'll be in charge of this.

Coaching - field hockey - I'll do the defense & middle school coaching. It'll be a 5-6 day a week after school job from late August until mid-November. It takes up a lot of time!

9th grade advisory - I am the director of this new program. I have to train the faculty who will be taking part, come up with the curriculum, meet with the 8 faculty regularly to go over the curriculum...it's going to be a HUGE task.

So yeah. I may need to employ some serious stress reduction technques - or else have weekly therapy sessions myself! I can't wait to see what'll happen if I end up getting pregnant...

A cognitive twist, not shaken or stirred

Recently, in my psychology class, we've been talking about errors in thinking that we all have. Such biases such as the Fundamental Attribution Error or Actor-Observer bias. And these are things we all do. It's wild. And if you try to catch yourself thinking this way...it really blows your mind.

Fundamental attribution error – this is the tendency for people to underestimate situational influences for others behaviour and over estimate personal or internal factors in persons behaviour. We often neglect situations and just look at personality as an explanation. For example...a person you meet at a party acts distant. You assume that the person is either not friendly or is arrogant. What you don't know is that the person just found out that her grandmother died and yet she didn't want to bow out of the party at the last minute. So you attribute how she acts to 'who she is'...whereas it's really about the situation that she's been put in.

Actor-observer bias - this is the tendency to attribute your own behavior to the situation but others person’s behavior to person (internal) causes. We all do this quite regularly. I walk to work on a busy road. Quite often I have to side-step another person coming at me, which causes me to somewhat cut off the person next to me. It's something that I wouldn't normally do, but because of the situation, I have to do it. But sometimes as I'm walking on that same sidewalk, I get cut off...and I get angry at the person for doing it to me. I think, "How rude!". But maybe they were about to be run over by the person heading toward them and had to do what I did just a few minutes earlier. But I attribute their movement to just 'rudeness'.

Then my fav error, that I see in England (and the States) constantly....primarily because my hubby and I are sports fans and players. This one is the self-serving bias...tendency to take credit for our successes (internal for doing well), but we deny responsibility for what we do poorly (external attributes). When my team wins (teams I play for or teams I'm rooting for), it's all about how awesome we were. But when we lose...well it had to be the umpire, or we had injuries, or the conditions just weren't fair.

How many of you will catch your cognitive errors today? I know I've already seen a few in my day...

Flying time

Wow. It's already May. Can't believe it. The school year is flying. We have only 6-1/2 weeks left until graduation. My dad's school in the States only has about 3 or 4. And then it'll be time for vacation - OUR HONEYMOON!

In between all of this I have tons to do. As a school counselor I run a Peer Advising program and I have to interview all the candidates. We usually take about 24 or so. These kids teach a once a cycle seminar on how to adjust to the high school to 9th graders. It's a cool program...but I am in charge of it and our 9th grade advisory...which means that I also have to develop all the coursework and sessions that go with both programs.

It's also the start of cricket season. This year R. isn't taking part, he's retiring after several years of professional and non-pro cricket. I, on the other hand, will be getting revved up for my 3rd season of playing. It's very strange to be an American playing this sport. But I seem to be decent...this year I'm hoping to make the competitive team instead of the developmental team, but it's a long shot. I have to improve both my bowling (which is like pitching) and my batting. Especially my batting as that seems to be my core strength.

And then there's working out, going to my in-laws at least once a week, trying to keep the flat clean, teaching a new topic in my Psychology course (which means hours of prep each day/night)...yeah there's a lot going on.

So...when am I going to get time to go shopping for a bikini?

Bollywood Dreams

Last night I went to our school's 'South Asian Night'. I had gone the year before and loved it...there had been presentations, dances by pros and dances by the kids. The food was wonderful and it was a whirl of colour.

This year was not as well planned, though there were some very cool things on offer.

Again, the food was great. Smells of curry and spice wafted through the halls even into the upper levels of the school. It drew down students and faculty who hadn't even thought about coming. There were warm breads, vegetarian samosas and lamb biryani as well as a number of other eye watering treats.

It was lovely to see the swirls of design in the parents salwar kameez and the demo of how to wear a sari. Decorations of red, gold and green were in abundance, as was the sound of Hindi and Urdu.

A woman sat the entire 2 hours, painting the hands of adults and kids with flowers and vines. The henna and glitter added to the funky cultural feel of the evening.

This year we were able to see some Bollywood dancers who came from a local troup. The thumping of the bass, twirling arms adorned with red ribbon, projections of India and Pakistan and Sri Lanka in the background. It was almost overwhelming for the senses.

And I was welcomed to this. By parents and students. And as R said, welcome to the family - you are now one of us. Not really...but I can claim a bit of the tradition.

A feast

It was cool outside but very comfortable. I wore linen trousers, a camisole and a floaty gauze top that my mother-in-law gave me (and it gets a ton of compliments). There were birds in the background that were louder than the traffic noise. The smell of cut grass and the beginnings of flowering trees. Insects skirted around the air, buzzing away, but not yet bothering us. And the smoke of the tandoor wafted past us...

Yes, it was the first use of the tandoor of the season. What is a tandoor? Well...here's the wiki definition:
A tandoor is a cylindrical clay oven used in Punjab region, northern India and Pakistan in which food is cooked over a hot charcoal fire. Temperatures in a tandoor can approach 480°C (900°F). It is common for tandoor ovens to remain lit for long periods of time to maintain the high cooking temperature. It is used for cooking certain types of Indian and Pakistani food, such as tandoori chicken and bread varieties like tandoori roti and naan. (The word tandoori is the adjective form.) The tandoor is currently a very important fixture in many Indian restaurants around the world. Food cooked in a tandoor retains all the juices and taste inside and hence is considered very healthy[citation needed]. Many people have installed a tandoor in their homes for making bread and kababs. Some modern day tandoors use electricity or gas instead of charcoal.

The tandoor that my in-laws have is both self-made and purchased. They went to Southall and bought the cylinder clay part that would be the basis of the tandoor. They then took a metal garbage pail and used clay at the bottom as a base. In went the clay cylinder. They then surrounded it with a variety of materials that hardened. And there you have it.

Last night they didn't have any coals, so we used wood to build the flame and ash. It got amazingly hot. We cook some kebabs of chicken and onion. The chicken had been marinated in a spicy masala. YUM! We also had a few lamb things, the name which escapes me - but the mixture of chopped lamb, chilis and spice were wrapped around a metal pole and placed within the tandoor until cooked. And then finally, we had roti. So good! The meal just went on and on...and it was so healthy and lovely. I can't wait to have more!

It made for a wonderful & lazy Sunday afternoon.